Weird Dilbert Guy Scott Adams, Cruelly Persecuted By #HillBullies, Continues Descent Into Madness
PHEW! I just got home from my daily "How shall we try to destroy the Weird Dilbert Guy?" meeting with the rest of the folks in the liberal media, the Clinton campaign and the world's most prominent lizard people in our secret lair in the basement of a Kentucky Fried Chicken at the Denver Airport, and boy was it ever a good one! The croissants were to die for. Also, the Queen of England is looking fabulous these days, and I am pretty sure I saw her making googly eyes at George Soros.
As you know, we have all been plotting to destroy Master Persuader and Amateur Hypnotist Scott Adams for some time now! Why? I'm not really sure, but I can tell you that we are all being paid LOADS of money to do it. I mean, I am simply awash in cash these days. I don't specifically know where it comes from, but I get a big fat check every day that looks like this:
So! What has Scott Adams been up to since we last checked in? For one, he is trying to make #HillBullies a thing on Twitter, which is pretty sad. He is also spending a lot of time talking to his weird alt-right friends about how people are being paid to coordinate attacks on them.
He is also astutely pointing out the coordinated attacks on his sanity. Because it is way more likely that there is a massive coordinated plot to call Scott Adams nuts, than it is that many people simply think Scott Adams might be nuts. It's just Occam's Razor, you guys.
Scott is particularly upset because he feels that "THE MEDIA" has purposely twisted an awesome tweet he made about how ISIS will show they want Hillary Clinton to be president by purposely not attacking us before Election Day, and that they are suggesting that he wants ISIS to attack us.
Sure, maybe it is that. Maybe it is just because it was a stupid and weird thing to say? He claimed in a post on his blog on Thursday that if ISIS wanted Donald Trump to be president, they would attack us -- because he is the strongest on terrorism, and people would vote for him because they want to be protected from terrorism, and so they're purposely not doing any terror to us so that people don't get scared and vote for Donald Trump, who will obviously destroy ISIS on his first day. They will not do any terrorist attacks now, he says, because they are hoping that Hillary Clinton will get into office, so that she will then let them do all the terrorist attacks they want. Or something!
6. ISIS has used Trump’s rhetoric as a recruiting tool, and that makes sense for them while he is a candidate. But a President Trump would actually have power to implement his war preferences, and that’s a different calculation for ISIS. Recruiting is a lower priority than war strategy, so it makes sense that ISIS would prefer the candidate that gives them the best odds – in their opinion – of defending their Caliphate and winning in the long run.
7. Given the assumptions above, it follows that if ISIS preferred Trump to be leading the war against them, they could greatly increase the odds of that happening by activating a headline-grabbing attack between now and election day in Europe or the United States. (Here I assume I am not telling ISIS anything they don’t already know.)
The title of this post, ironically, is "A Lesson In Cognitive Dissonance." He claims he cleverly engineered the tweet to do Cognitive Dissonance to Clinton supporters, and prove some kind of point!
I engineered the offending tweet to make the point that ISIS appears to prefer a Clinton presidency. That puts Clinton’s supporters on the same side as ISIS, at least in the narrow sense that they might prefer the same candidate. That creates a conflict between Clinton supporters’ self-image as good people and the uncomfortable reality that they might prefer the same candidate as ISIS. If my point is credible, the predicted result is that it would induce cognitive dissonance and a literal hallucination.
Of course, the confounding thing about this is that Adams also believes that people are only Clinton supporters or Scott Adams detractors because they are being paid to do so, and that actually everyone in America loves Donald Trump and he will win in a landslide because of this. What kind of self-image could imaginary people possibly have? Why would someone even have a self-image of a person they are only pretending to be in order to reel in all the sweet paid troll dollars?
But why are we all being so mean to nice Scott Adams, when he is simply the MESSENGER? He's just out there, bravely delivering the message of his own weird opinions, and people are attacking him for that? No fair!
If there is anything I learned, personally, from Scott Adams this election, it is that you can be "just the messenger" of your own opinion, and that means that no one can think you are a jerk. Like, for instance, if I were to walk up to someone and say "Hey, your hair is stupid" it would be fine, because I would be JUST THE MESSENGER. Of my own opinion. So it doesn't count and that person can't think I'm a douche.
Wait, no. That can't be right. Because Scott Adams is also getting mad at the person calling him a douche, even though he is JUST THE MESSENGER of his own opinion that Scott Adams is a douche. I am so confused here! Is this just Scott Adams using his Master Persuader and Amateur Hypnotist powers to cognitive dissonance me even more?
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse