SAD NEWS, everyone. The Trump campaign has been systematically deleting Brad Parscale's nasty gross neckbeard from its website, as if it was never there! The good news is that you are a lot less likely to get a hairball if you go to the Trump website now.

Meanwhile, Parscale has officially "resigned" from the Trump campaign, which is funny because from what we've heard, Parscale wasn't doing a whole lot of "work" for the campaign in the first place, even before they quit-fired him and gave his "campaign manager" position to some other idiot named Bill Stepien. Parscale seemed to be mostly hanging out in Florida and spending the Trump campaign's money on Ferraris and other baubles for himself. ALLEGEDLY.

You'll remember that this week started five years ago with an incident at Mr. Parscale's home, where the cops had to come out and respond to what was either somebody waving a gun threatening to kill himself, or possibly he was threatening to kill his wife, or maybe both. His wife, Candice Parscale, has now recanted what she told the cops about him abusing and threatening her. "He hits me," she told the cops on scene when asked about her bruises, but it is now "unclear." We hope she can safely get out and away from him.

Regardless, we all saw the video of a shirtless Parscale being manhandled to the ground by Florida cops, and noted how much worse that might have gone had Parscale been Black.

But there are some updates on what is really going on with Brad Parscale, why he might be going literally bugfuck right at this minute. And those updates are related to how the Trump campaign is also reportedly going literally bugfuck, because they're scared Old Dirty Neckbeard is going to cooperate with the authorities and spill Trump campaign secrets and crimes, ALLEGEDLY.


We'll start there, with Gabe Sherman in Vanity Fair, on the Trump freakout that is this week. Not only did the New York Times start spilling Trump's tax secrets, but there's also this:

Parscale's public meltdown happened while he is reportedly under investigation for stealing from the Trump campaign and the RNC. According to [a] source close to the campaign, the Trump family is worried that Parscale could turn on them and cooperate with law enforcement about possible campaign finance violations. "The family is worried Brad will start talking," the source said.

Oh no! Does Brad Parscale KNOW THINGS? It would be terrible if Brad Parscale KNOWS THINGS.

What might he know? Oh, just perhaps that he might have lied to Congress about the Trump campaign's voter suppression efforts in 2016, for one.

The other day, Channel 4, from the isles of Britain, reported on an enormous data leak from the Trump campaign, about how in 2016, using data firm Cambridge Analytica, they specifically targeted Black voters for "deterrence," i.e. targeted 3.5 million specific Black voters with social media messages to try to keep them from going out to vote for Hillary Clinton. Indeed, back in 2016, the Trump campaign bragged it was running "three major voter suppression operations," one of which was targeted at Black voters. Brad Parscale was the campaign's data guru in 2016, and his neckbearded "brilliance" was a big part of the reason Trump stupidly hired him to be his 2020 campaign manager, before that all went wrong.

Professor David Carroll, an expert on all things "data" who has been on this Cambridge Analytica story from the beginning — he was in Netflix's The Great Hack, about the data firm — tweeted the transcript earlier this week of Democratic Rep. Jackie Speier asking Parscale directly if the campaign targeted voters by race, and he said, under oath, that NO HE NEVER:

"I did not target by race specifically in GOTV and/or persuasion efforts," said Parscale, who went on to clarify that he definitely didn't target Black voters, and he doesn't even know if you can do such a thing!

As for Parscale being under investigation, the Daily Mail reported this week, so GRAIN OF SALT BECAUSE "DAILY MAIL," that Parscale is under investigation for maybe stealing a WEE few tens of millions of dollars from the Trump campaign, and maaaaaybe another ten mil from the RNC. No big.

Under investigation by whom? It's not very clear.

The Trump campaign and the RNC deny there are investigations or audits, but they lie every time they breathe, so who knows. But if Gabe Sherman, a real reporter, is correct that the campaign is worried Neckbeard Brad might cooperate with law enforcement on all this, then we understand how they might have reason to worry.

So yeah, sounds like Brad Parscale might have a reason to be li'l bit bugfuck right now. And also the Trump campaign.

Couldn't be happening to more terrible people, bless their hearts.

[Vanity Fair]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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