We're Sure The Trump-Russia Insane Clown Show That Happened Yesterday Is TOTALLY FINE

Well that was a lie.

When the history of the Trump administration is written (by Russians from outer space), January 29, 2018, will probably be pivotal. Welcome to your banana republic, America! (Not the "upscale" version of The Gap.)

A tweet:

By Monday afternoon, shit had already exploded, as Andrew McCabe, the number two guy at the FBI, had been suddenly purged in advance of his already early retirement, apparently to appease the boy tyrant at 1600 Pennsylvania, who gets UPSET when he hears the name "Andrew McCabe," because McCabe had committed sins like "being married to a Democrat" and "failing to jail Trump's political opponent Hillary Clinton in advance."

Just how petty and vicious was Trump with McCabe? NBC tells us about the president's petty, pathetic, and highly inappropriate contacts with him -- like what happened last year just after Trump fired former FBI Director James Comey for failing to kill the Russia investigation. Confused about why America did not immediately fall in love with his blatant act of obstruction of justice, Trump called McCabe to have a temper tantrum:

The day after he fired James Comey as director of the FBI, a furious President Donald Trump called the bureau's acting director, Andrew McCabe, demanding to know why Comey had been allowed to fly on an FBI plane from Los Angeles back to Washington after he was dismissed, according to multiple people familiar with the phone call.

McCabe told the president he hadn’t been asked to authorize Comey’s flight, but if anyone had asked, he would have approved it, three people familiar with the call recounted to NBC News.

The president was silent for a moment and then turned on McCabe, suggesting he ask his wife how it feels to be a loser — an apparent reference to a failed campaign for state office in Virginia that McCabe’s wife made in 2015.

That's right, President Big Man, if you can't figure out something nasty to say to the guy you hate, say something about HIS WIFE. That's how men with real self confidence and correct-sized hands act!

So yeah, that's cool. Trump is purging DOJ/FBI of people who fail his loyalty test by refusing to shield him from facing the consequences of his own crimes. That's for sure how things work in first world countries like the US and A. Who's next?

Glad you asked, because that's related to the next thing that happened on Monday:

Oh yes, Devin Nunes's bullshit memo, the one his office concocted for the sole purpose of covering up and distracting from crimes being revealed by the special counsel and Congressional investigations into the Trump-Putin administration. The one that is so classified and full of such salacious OMG news that it will shake America to its core!

The House Intelligence Committee did indeed vote late Monday afternoon to #ReleaseTheMemo, AKA Devin Nunes's love letter to Donald Trump's dick, kicking off a five-day process where Donald Trump will pretend to pore over it as if it's one of those "documents" he's so fond of reading. Hell, he could release it today if he wanted. It won't be released because it's full of true information (it's not), but because Trump and Nunes think it will help them and hurt their political opponents.

Are the FBI and the Justice Department OK with this? Fuck no! Justice made very clear in a biting letter last week that releasing the memo could endanger national security. But PFFFFFFT, Donald Trump and Devin Nunes don't care about national security, and if releasing this memo reveals sources and methods and damages America's ability to keep itself safe (or, just to pluck a hypothetical out of the air, the ability of America's allies who may have given us a tip or two to keep their own intelligence officers safe), too bad, Trump's got power, and that's all that matters. (By the way, Trump was so mad about the DOJ letter he made John Kelly spend half of last week calling various Justice and FBI officials just to tell them DADDY ANGRY.)

House Intelligence Commmittee Democrats, led by Adam Schiff, had prepared their own point-by-point rebuttal memo to Nunes's XXX Penthouse Trump fantasy letter, but the committee voted along party lines to keep that one under wraps, because Nunes's plan to obstruct justice for his sexxxy daddy in the Oval doesn't work if Democrats are allowed to inject things like "honesty" and "truth" into the debate.

Monday, we learned a bit more about the focus of Little Devin's Love Note, and it gave us more perspective into his endgame here. On top of mentioning alleged/made-up misconduct by Andrew McCabe (vanquished!) and James Comey (vanquished!), the memo zeroes in on the "crimes" of Rod Rosenstein, deputy attorney general, number two at Justice, and also HIGHLY COINCIDENTALLY OMG CAN'T BELIEVE IT the guy who oversees the Robert Mueller investigation.

And oh, what crimes they are! (They're not crimes.) The memo wants you to get MAD over how Rosenstein authorized the re-upping of a surveillance request to the FISA court on Carter Page, who features in the Steele Dossier and has been on the FBI's radar literally forever, on account of his being the world's dumbest spy. In the infected soup brain of a Republican congressman like Nunes or Ohio's Jim Jordan, this is #SmokingGun evidence that Rosenstein and the Deep State were IMPROPERLY USING THE MADE UP DODGY DOSSIER to create a fake news investigation into King of Kings, Prince of Peace, Grab 'Em By The Puss Trump.

Over here in the real world, it's not real goddamn shocking the deputy attorney general of the United States would re-up a surveillance request on somebody the FBI had been investigating as a Russian intelligence asset forfuckingyears.

But if it gives Nunes and Jordan and the rest of the eager puppies on House Intel a reason to bark a whole bunch on TV, and if Shitstain Jones in the White House decides to use it as an excuse to fire Rod Rosenstein, then MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!

And to be clear: The Saturday Night Massacre is not just firing Robert Mueller. It also includes Trump firing Rod Rosenstein. SPREAD THE WORD.

Adam Schiff mentioned after the House Intel Committee vote to #ReleaseTheMemo that, OH BY THE WAY, House Intel Republicans have started a secret investigation into the FBI and Justice, without consulting with the Democrats. What are they investigating about FBI and Justice, praytell? Oh, just in general!

Oh, and did we mention that the Trump regime also too yesterday decided not to implement the Russian sanctions Congress passed by a margin of one million to like three dumb assholes? Didn't see that coming! (Totally saw that coming.)

Here, have more tweets:

Tonight is Trump's first State of the Union address. Don't watch it, because we certainly fucking aren't. Besides, we just told you the State of the Union, right here in this post. IT'S REALLY FUCKING BAD.

Here. Watch your Rachel Maddow from last night, because it's required viewing:

Now get ready for whatever the fuck is going to happen today.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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