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Friends, Romans, countrymen, we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal and Donald Trump is a monumentally stupid flagon full of assorted hippopotamus testicles and that is why we, all the Democrats, are doing CIVIL WAR today!

What, you did not get your invite to CIVIL WAR? It is discussed right here in this journalism broadcast from Alex Jones. (Don't click on that.)

Anyway, the point is that there is a CIVIL WAR on, but everybody celebrates CIVIL WAR in different ways. We personally are going to start drinking beer very early and somebody is making a Boston Butt on the Big Green Egg and there will be a lot of swimming today. If we are asked nicely, we might make macaroni and cheese or something, but #NoGuarantees. (Click here for a really good macaroni and cheese recipe.)


If somehow we are struck with a very WAR-FIGHTIN' spirit and feel led by the Lord to make this CIVIL WAR something worth writing home about, maybe we will finally fix up John Legend's fried chicken wings from his wife Chrissy Teigen's cookbook Cravings, which you should own if for some terrible reason you do not. (Haha, this is not happening either. We are bad at CIVIL WAR this year and just want to lie around drunk.)

How about you? What is your favorite recipe to make for CIVIL WAR? Share it in the comments, which are only allowed for special today, because it is CIVIL WAR.

Also, this is your all day OPEN THREAD, because LOL do you think we are here right now? PFFFFFFFFT.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT NOW, DO IT RIGHT NOW!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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