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Friends, Romans, countrymen, we hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal and Donald Trump is a monumentally stupid flagon full of assorted hippopotamus testicles and that is why we, all the Democrats, are doing CIVIL WAR today!

What, you did not get your invite to CIVIL WAR? It is discussed right here in this journalism broadcast from Alex Jones. (Don't click on that.)

Anyway, the point is that there is a CIVIL WAR on, but everybody celebrates CIVIL WAR in different ways. We personally are going to start drinking beer very early and somebody is making a Boston Butt on the Big Green Egg and there will be a lot of swimming today. If we are asked nicely, we might make macaroni and cheese or something, but #NoGuarantees. (Click here for a really good macaroni and cheese recipe.)


If somehow we are struck with a very WAR-FIGHTIN' spirit and feel led by the Lord to make this CIVIL WAR something worth writing home about, maybe we will finally fix up John Legend's fried chicken wings from his wife Chrissy Teigen's cookbook Cravings, which you should own if for some terrible reason you do not. (Haha, this is not happening either. We are bad at CIVIL WAR this year and just want to lie around drunk.)

How about you? What is your favorite recipe to make for CIVIL WAR? Share it in the comments, which are only allowed for special today, because it is CIVIL WAR.

Also, this is your all day OPEN THREAD, because LOL do you think we are here right now? PFFFFFFFFT.

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An unhinged wannabe fascist who tweets about golden showers did a news conference in the Rose Garden this afternoon. Also, Donald Trump was there.

Brazilian president Jair Bolsonaro is in town, and everything about today's public appearance with Trump and Bolsonaro has been real stupid, just like how it was real stupid when Bolsonaro's stupid son was the stupid guest of honor the other night at a stupid Steve Bannon event at the stupid Trump trash palace hotel in DC.

During their pool spray, Trump excitedly told reporters that he was making plans to give NATO privileges to Brazil, because of how Brazil elected a big gross dipshit just like America did. Of course, considering how Trump treats actual NATO countries, Bolsonaro might want to reconsider whether he wants that.

Then a reporter asked him about his blubbering whiny-ass attacks on John McCain, who is still dead.

That's right, Donald Trump didn't even avoid the question about his very embarrassing behavior. He spoke about McCain as if McCain were still alive, whined about McCain killing Obamacare repeal, and concluded by saying, "I was never a fan of John McCain, and I never will be." As for McCain, he will continue living rent-free in the president's nightmares and his face will be the face of Trump's insecurities, because we guess that's what happens to John McCains when they die.

But enough about the pool spray! After they met in the Oval Office and did whatever fascists who should be prohibited entry to the White House via an electric doggie fence do (sniffed each other's butts, probably), they entered the Rose Garden and proceeded to hike their legs on democracy some more.

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Yep, we're breaking out the Wikimedia kitten image for this one.

CNN is out today with a story on members of the anti-vaccination/pro-disease movement who have found a delightful new way to win converts to their side in the war on science: find parents (mothers, generally) who have recently lost a child to a preventable disease, and then harass them on social media, because after all, good people refuse vaccines and anyone who advocates for vaccines must be burned to the ground. As your lawyer (we are not a lawyer), we advise you to secure any hurlable heavy objects near you before reading.

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