What Do We Think This Lady's Airplane COVID Ted Talk Was Going To Be About?
One of the joys of the modern age is that we can all experience the thrill of watching people losing their shit on a plane from the comfort of our own home. Like this one lady, whose name and identity we may never know, who brought a microphone for the purpose of getting up, interrupting someone's viewing of School of Rock and delivering some kind of big, rousing speech about COVID, after which she surely imagined everyone would slow clap. Her whole speech was captured on video and posted to TikTok by singer/songwriter Jawny.
Sadly, we have no idea what she was actually planning to go on about because she was handcuffed and hauled away before she could get to her point, whatever that was going to be.
someone come get her
I transcribed the whole thing to the best of my ability:
This is my PA, I tried borrowing yours, you didn't want to let me use it. I brought my microphone I'm gonna use it. This is perfect, thank you, our set up is great!
The pandemic started all because humans had lost a little bit, a little bit of faith …
YOU GONNA CUFF ME? You're gonna cuff me? [flight attendant says "yes"]
I'm right [unintelligible] my speech, I don't need to be taken anywhere, I don't need to be cuffed. I'm completely harmless!
I think you're all enjoying this, because like I said, I'm not terrible to look at.
The reason why the pandemic started was basically because the internet …
The reason the pandemic STARTED was because nobody here has any more faith and you're all stuck to your stupid devices and you don't even know what reality is anymore and you depend on stupid nonsense to determine your reality. [while this is all going on, the flight crew and a helpful passenger try to cuff her and collect her things]
My dog, my dog has better sense than any of you. In fact my dog could be a better god for you people. My dog is my god.
Really makes you think.
Now, I get it, this lady seems like she is very drunk, but this is not a conspiracy I have heard before, and I thought I had heard them all. Not only have I not heard that the pandemic was caused by people "losing faith" and being on their phones too much from any epidemiologists, I haven't heard it from any of the usual conspiracy suspects either. It is a new one on me. What was her plan here? Because even if she were a tad overserved, it looks like this was a thing she planned long before getting on the plane. She had a microphone, she had a planned speech, it seems like, and she was ready to go. I thought it was going to be a religious thing, but then she started in about her dog being her god and there went that theory. I like to think she was going to try and sell everyone some multi-level marketing essential oils she was gonna claim as a cure. Or shampoo. I found out yesterday that MONAT is pretending to offer PhDs in pyramid scheming, so really, anything is possible.
Anyway! Today is Sunday, which means that Stephen and I are gonna do our livestream thing later today at 3:30pm EST, which means you all can just open thread in here until then, and then when we're done that will also be an open thread. So many open threads, because it's Sunday and we are all lazy. If you have any questions or anything you think we should address, hit me up at firstname.lastname@example.org. I swear I'll actually check it.
H/T 50 Shades of Whey on Twitter
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse