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What Horror Awaits As Soon As Trix Goes On Vacay? An Important Wonkette Poll Of Importance!

Wonkebago

HEY FUCKERS. I AM GOING ON VACATION, STARTING NOW, AND I AM LEAVING YOU FOR NINE ENTIRE DAYS IN A ROW.

Unless you're in Seattle (see you Saturday, 4 to 7 p.m. at Discovery Park!) or Bellingham (Sunday, 2 to 5 p.m. at Sunnyland Park!), or Spokane (Sun., Aug. 19, 2 to 5 p.m. at Audubon Park!). But the REST of you sluts I will not be seeing at all!

You will be in the capable hands of Evan, supported by Dok, Dom, Robyn, $5F, Stephen and Wonderbitch. (OH! Stephen AND DOK will be in Seattle too! You should probably ride your bike to the train to the bus to the park and see us!) But that is not important. What is important is: WHAT HORRIFYING NEWS STORY IS GOING TO FORCE ME TO LEAVE MY ISLAND, GET ON A BOAT, AND GO TO THE INTERNET CAFE ON THE OTHER ISLAND?


How Is Trump Going To Fuck Up Trix's Vacay? A Poll Without Voting Buttons Because The Embed Fucked Up My Website.

  • Fires Mueller
  • Fires Rosenstein
  • Kushner Indicted
  • Junior Indicted
  • A, B, C and D
  • Nukes some shit obvs
  • I'm not saying it was aliens, but you DID see Mike Pence's Space Force thing right?
  • Nothing Trix, shut the fuck up and GTFO.

Well okeydokey, my Terrible Ones! If you need shit while I'm gone, email Dok I guess (doktorzoom at wonkette dot com), and don't buy any Wonkette Bazaar merch unless it can wait for shipping for 10 days, and Be Excellent to Each Other.

OPEN THREAD BITCHFACES! And GIVE ME MONEY.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Y'all saw that crazy shit that happened at the White House today when Chuck 'n' Nancy went to visit Trump to talk about averting a government shutdown, and Chuck 'n' Nancy ended up playing foosball with Trump's face while he screamed "WALL!" over and over again? It was so great.

During the meeting, Trump interrupted Pelosi a whole lot, and she responded by not giving a fuck and making fun of him to his face about how all she does is win, while Trump was left to whine about how nobody ever talks about how "he" won the Senate for the GOP. (The Senate election schedule, which heavily favored Republicans in the 2018 midterms, won the Senate for the GOP.)

When Pelosi walked out of the White House, she looked like some kinda badass spy walking away at the perfect moment, right before the building explodes. (We are not saying Nancy Pelosi blowed up the White House! OK fine, she did it WITH VOTES.)

But Pelosi's day of dick-punching Trump right in his orange face was not over!

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James Alex Fields mugshot

This morning, after spending Monday hearing victim impact statements, the jury in James Alex Fields's trial -- which on Friday found him guilty on all 10 counts he was charged with -- delivered their sentencing recommendations.

For the murder of Heather Heyer, the Charlottesville jury gave Fields a life sentence and a fine of $100,000. For each of the three charges of aggravated malicious wounding, they sentenced him to 70 years and fines of $70,000. For each of the five charges of malicious wounding, 20 years in prison and fines of $10,000, and nine years for the hit and run. All in all, this comes out to a life sentence plus 419 years and $480,000. Judge Richard Moore accepted the jury's verdicts, but will hold off on officially sentencing Fields until March 19.

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