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What Horror Awaits As Soon As Trix Goes On Vacay? An Important Wonkette Poll Of Importance!

Wonkebago

HEY FUCKERS. I AM GOING ON VACATION, STARTING NOW, AND I AM LEAVING YOU FOR NINE ENTIRE DAYS IN A ROW.

Unless you're in Seattle (see you Saturday, 4 to 7 p.m. at Discovery Park!) or Bellingham (Sunday, 2 to 5 p.m. at Sunnyland Park!), or Spokane (Sun., Aug. 19, 2 to 5 p.m. at Audubon Park!). But the REST of you sluts I will not be seeing at all!

You will be in the capable hands of Evan, supported by Dok, Dom, Robyn, $5F, Stephen and Wonderbitch. (OH! Stephen AND DOK will be in Seattle too! You should probably ride your bike to the train to the bus to the park and see us!) But that is not important. What is important is: WHAT HORRIFYING NEWS STORY IS GOING TO FORCE ME TO LEAVE MY ISLAND, GET ON A BOAT, AND GO TO THE INTERNET CAFE ON THE OTHER ISLAND?


How Is Trump Going To Fuck Up Trix's Vacay? A Poll Without Voting Buttons Because The Embed Fucked Up My Website.

  • Fires Mueller
  • Fires Rosenstein
  • Kushner Indicted
  • Junior Indicted
  • A, B, C and D
  • Nukes some shit obvs
  • I'm not saying it was aliens, but you DID see Mike Pence's Space Force thing right?
  • Nothing Trix, shut the fuck up and GTFO.

Well okeydokey, my Terrible Ones! If you need shit while I'm gone, email Dok I guess (doktorzoom at wonkette dot com), and don't buy any Wonkette Bazaar merch unless it can wait for shipping for 10 days, and Be Excellent to Each Other.

OPEN THREAD BITCHFACES! And GIVE ME MONEY.

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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Jack A Dull Boy. Wonkagenda For Wed., April 24, 2019

Trump tries to run out the clock. Your morning news brief

News

Morning Wonketariat! Here's some of the things we may be talking about today.

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Oh good, Jared Kushner decided to pick today to come out from the hidey hole where he back channels with Russians and the Saudi Murder Prince while lustily fingering the security clearance unlawfully procured for him by an unelected president.

That's just super.

It was at the Time 100 event, not because Jared was on the Time 100 this year, but we guess because he was on it in 2017. His profile back then was written by Henry Kissinger, who predicted he would be a "success." We guess this happened during a part of the event called "The Time 100's Biggest Bloopers, OMG" ... oh wait, hold on, Wonkette has just been informed that Time was being serious when it invited Jared.

Our bad.

Say something stupid in reaction to the release of the Mueller Report, J-Kush:

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