QAnon Morons Show Up At Trump Rally, Ready To Battle Imaginary Pedophile Cabal
Last night, at Donald Trump's rally in Tampa, something bizarre happened. Yes, more bizarre than usual. A bunch of people showed up wearing T-shirts and holding signs referencing "QAnon," an incredibly stupid conspiracy theory perpetrated by some person who posts on 8chan claiming to have "Q-level clearance."
"Q" themselves took note of this, claiming that Trump specifically pointed to someone's "Q" sign in the audience, which is supposedly what is going on in the featured picture above.
Those people were indeed found, and posted a picture of themselves and their sign on r/GreatAwakening, a subreddit for people obsessed with the conspiracy theory.
And this, supposedly, is Trump pointing at the sign.
Sure, why not!
If you are not yet familiar with this particular load of horseshit, the way all of this works is that "Q" -- supposedly someone high up in the Trump administration -- drops "breadcrumbs" in posts on an 8chan message board, and then all of his or her followers, who call themselves "bakers," work out what they secretly mean. Also, they believe that Donald Trump sends them -- the "bakers" -- secret messages by doing things like ... drinking water.
Explain it to us, Robyn! Okay!
Donald Trump is fighting a secret war against an elite Washington-Hollywood cabal of Satanic pedophiles who eat children and babies/drink their blood/harvest their adrenal glands in order to obtain adrenochrome. Which can also be obtained by letting your EpiPen expire or by oxidizing epinephrine in a lab. They claim it's some super fabulous psychotropic drug, because they saw it mentioned in Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. (You don't think they actually read the book do you?) It is not.
The Russia conspiracy investigation is, of course, a cover for this very important mission, and Robert Mueller is actually helping Donald Trump uncover all of the secret Satanic Cannibal Pedophiles. They believe several arrests have been made -- but that they don't want the public to be tipped off quite yet -- so Hillary Clinton, Chelsea Clinton, and John McCain are wearing ankle monitors that they cover up with ... surgical boots.
Not to get too nitty gritty, but if you've ever seen an ankle monitor before... it would be physically impossible to wear one of those boots over it, and also kind of silly to even bother when a wide leg pant and wide ankle boot would work a lot better. Not to mention it wouldn't even require "faking" a broken toe. But, much like just letting an EpiPen go bad, that is far too simple for these Q people. Fuck Occam's razor, they say!
Naturally, this all also involves the Rothschilds somehow, perennial favorites of all anti-Semitic conspiracy theories. They haven't gotten into fluoride yet, that I know of, though surely that's a-coming. It always is.
The conspiracy theory also involves celebrities, because of course it does, and just last week YouTube found itself in a bit of a bind when a ton of videos accusing people like Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg of being pedophiles became the first search results for their names.
This is all happening concurrently with the push from right-wing trolls to brand a bunch of liberal Hollywood celebrities as pedophiles, as revenge for people like Roseanne losing their jobs for saying racist things. Those trolls are just trying to cause trouble -- in a particularly sick and disturbing way -- but these people are dead serious. And yes, they 100 percent believe that the man whose child separation policy led to the documented sexual abuse of children, a man who walked around locker rooms staring at naked Miss Teen USA pageant contestants, is the ultimate warrior in a secret battle against a cabal of child predators.
Tell us about the cults, Robyn
Why do these people believe these things? Are they insane? Well, yes, probably. Frankly, if you know anyone who is into this shit, you should probably at least try to get them psychological help. But more than that, they're stupid people who are very tired of feeling insignificant. That sounds mean, and maybe it is, but it's very easy to convince stupid people to believe ridiculous things if you make them feel smart, if you make them feel important, if you make them feel special, and if you make them feel included in a group. That is how cults happen.
And QAnon is not shy with the compliments for the "bakers."
This is not some harmless bullshit like people hoarding orgone and spraying vinegar into the air in order to thwart chemtrails. These people are taking this act on the road, and doing creepy ass shit like stalking Michael Avenatti, whom they believe is connected to all of this somehow. They are going around bothering homeless people they imagine are linked to "child sex camps." They're blocking the Hoover Dam with armored vehicles and AR-15s. There are also prominent celebrity endorsers of the theory, like Roseanne and former Red Sox player Curt Schilling.
But, again, the vast majority of people who believe in the theory are "regular" folks with unfortunate perms and a desperate need to feel important and smart. Who truly believe that they are solving some DaVinci Code-type shit that is going to unravel a giant conspiracy of baby-eating Satanic pedophiles. Who need to believe that they didn't just vote for the pussy-grabbing idiot from The Apprentice, but for a true American hero sent to bring said baby-eating Satanic pedophile cabal down from the inside.
It would be deeply sad if it were not so goddamned scary.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse