What Is Trump Angrily Expressing His Glands About Today?

Donald Trump, serious man serving as serious president during serious worldwide pandemic, had another Serious Sunday yesterday. How serious, you ask?

Oh "really," Donald? Are you so "mad" that you are using quotation marks in your trademark "illiterate" way to call Nancy Pelosi ihnerently "dumb," a person who will be overthrown as "Speaker"? And that last "sentence" about Fox News, was that just a "neuron" misfiring in your "brain," or is there a reason you're crying about Fox News in the same tweet as the Pelosi thing?

The neurons are obviously misfiring, because when are they not, but there was a simple reason. As you can see in the @GOP tweet above, Pelosi went on "Fox News Sunday" and she called Trump a "weak leader" to his face, because if you want to say something to Trump's face, you have to go on Fox News, which is what his face is affixed to at all times. She said the same things she said in her Dear Colleague letter, about how Trump is a weak and sad loser, and how, because the incompetent and self-centered Trump is president, many more Americans are currently dead than there would be if we had a leader whose brain functioned.

So that is one thing President Serious-So-Much is expressing his anal glands about right now.

For another, we go to Trump's attention-starved coronavirus press briefing on Sunday, which you did not watch, and which the networks should no longer run live, because they are a public health risk like the novel coronavirus itself.

Here is Trump talking about his coronavirus testing strategy, which exists, calling the FBI people who investigated his obvious weird and bad connections with Russia, and the Russian attack to make him president, "human scum."

To be fair, a journalist asked if Trump was going to pardon Roger Stone or Paul Manafort. But once triggered, Trump is like a cat who imagines it sees a laser pointer but actually it's just a very senile cat and there is no laser pointer.

Trump whined that Roger Stone "was treated very unfairly" (he was not), and then lied to America and said the so-called black book from Ukraine "turned out to be a fraud." (It did not. The FBI proved its fucking case against Manafort, with receipts. This is bullshit propaganda that Rudy Giuliani has mama-birded into Trump's eager throat, one of many John Solomon specials.)

Trump then whined that the FBI "said [Michael Flynn] didn't lie," which is itself another lie. The FBI agrees with Michael Flynn's original guilty plea, that he lied to the FBI about his late-night fireside chats with the Russian ambassador about lifting Russian sanctions.

Trump, over a minute into his distracted rant, then began calling the FBI agents who investigated him and his crime-pals "human scum." (We still have stickers and T-shirts, by the way.)

TRUMP: And now the tables are turned! Investigate the investigators, I guess!

Yeah, we know. Bill Barr, Trump's cheap aged-out rentboy Cracker Barrel version of Roy Cohn at the Justice Department, is investigating the investigators in order to absolve Russia of responsibility for the 2016 election attack and try to make Trump's "election" look "legitimate." (THAT is how you use quotation marks, Donald, you moron.)

Fucking shithole criminals.

Again, this was a press conference ostensibly about the coronavirus pandemic. But when Trump was asked hard questions about the coronavirus pandemic, by CBS News reporter Weijia Jiang, Trump snapped at her sexistly and told her to take it "nice and easy" and to "keep your voice down, please."

He is nothing less than the most absolute garbage human being on the entire globe.

Let's see, is Trump expressing his glands about anything else right now? Well, the rest of his Twitter over the past 48 hours is batshit insane and full of tweets and retweets, because of how he's so busy doing presidential work.

For instance, he RTed this thing about unhinged shitwaffle Laura Loomer, whose congressional run is allegedly "gain[ing] steam":

And he tweeted some crap ad his campaign is running against Joe Biden, because of how Joe Biden, and not Donald Trump, is bad at talking.

It's not the worst ad ever. It's actually kind of good, except for how it uses a Beastie Boys song, without permission we are sure, so the cease-and-desist letter on that one is probably being emailed as we speak.

Oh yes, and he is also the "King of Ventilators," we are supposed to call him the "King of Ventilators" now, he likes it when you call him that, in bed. (He is not the King of Ventilators. We knew the real King of Ventilators, and YOU SIR ARE NO KING OF VENTILATORS.)

And so much more! If you'd like to witness a brain in rapid decline in real time, just spend some time on the president's Twitter feed!

We're all gonna die.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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