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shut the fuck up Michele BachmannHOLD THE PRESSES. Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders did two stupid things that actually are not stupid at all and everybody needs to shut the fuck up cuz this shit is stupid.


First, Bernie Sanders was "discourteous" to the Vatican. (No he wasn't.) But the headline says so? It is a stupid headline. Here, read it for yourself: Sanders Accused of 'Discourtesy' in Seeking Vatican Invitation. But what's the gist? The Vatican is holding a conference on morality in economics. This is kind of Bernie Sanders's "thing"! He seems to have genuine admiration for Nice Pope Frank and Nice Pope Frank's calls to murder capitalism right in the uterus! So he asked if he could come to the conference, and the Vatican said "yes."

ARGH WHAT A MONUMENTAL DISCOURTESY! Here, ask this lady, she sounds bitchy:

The head of the academy said Friday that Sanders sought the invitation and that put an inappropriate political cast on the gathering.

“Sanders made the first move, for the obvious reasons,” Margaret Archer, president of the Pontifical Academy of Social Sciences, which is hosting the conference Sanders will attend, said in a telephone interview. “I think in a sense he may be going for the Catholic vote but this is not the Catholic vote and he should remember that and act accordingly -- not that he will.”

Margaret Archer does not seem to care for Bernie Sanders! Does that make it a "monumental discourtesy" to ask the Vatican "hey can I come to this thing you are doing that has also been my life's work?" It really, really, really does not. Shut the fuck up, Margaret Archer.

Now what stupid thing did Old As The Hillz do? She could not even swipe a Metro card right! Here, let the New York Post do the stupid: Hillary Has to Take Five Swipes With MetroCard to Ride Subway

LOL what a stupid old lady who hasn't even rode the subway good like Michele Bachmann has!

SHUT THE FUCK UP MICHELE BACHMANN.

As a travelin' kind of mama, I have traveled on trains and subways around every place, and I have never, never ONCE got the Metro card swipe right on the first try. Not in NYC, not in SF, not ANYWHERE. At least Hillary didn't try to buy a Metro card from one of those goddamn machines -- especially the ones in San Francisco where you have to figure out how much money to deduct from your credit card using the little up and down arrows to get to whichever stop you're going to and you stand there at the machine like an asshole until finally a homeless guy helps you because you are blocking all the nice (they're pretty nice usually, they know those machines are dicks) people from putting their money on their Metro card and JESUS CHRIST MACHINES, and thanks homeless guy, please have a tip oh shit I don't have any because NOBODY CARRIES CASH OR EVEN TOKENS!

Here is a correct tweet:

God I miss Mitt Romney. That guy could do gaffes that meant something ("something" being "hahahaha you are poor and wear poor clothes and eat poor foods! Hello poor friend, it is I, Mitt Romney, WHY ARE YOU BEATING ME ABOUT THE HEAD WITH A SHOE?").

TERRIFIC.

[NYPost / Bloomberg]

Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.

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'Bella" by Wonkette Operative 'IdiokraticSubpoenaKommissar'

Sunday already, which means a substantial portion of US America is preparing to be astonished/heartbroken/outraged by the series finale of that show with the dragons, while another portion is just going to stay off Twitter for three days because nothing will make any sense. Yr Dok Zoom tends to come very late to trendy things, so get ready for our own thoughts on the gamy thrones show sometime in about 2023, or never. But we'd be glad to tell you just how much we enjoy the brilliance and humanity of the Cartoon Network series "Steven Universe," which debuted in 2013 and we started bingeing on the Hulu last month, late again.

Hell, we still want to talk about that one Mrs Landingham episode of "The West Wing," which we first watched years after it aired (We finally bought our new used car yesterday, and know one thing: don't drive over to the White House to show it off to President Bartlet). We might even get around to reading Infinite Jest someday. We hear it has something to do with a superhero team and a guy named Thanos. So hey, let's talk about culture and missing out and patching together some knowledge of what's happening anyway.

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Get Me Roger Stone

Roger Stone, his wife would like you to know, is broke. And he is not dealing with it well. Once in khaki suits, gee, he looked swell, full of that yankee-doodle-dee-dum, but now no one calls him Al anymore and he has to stand on a street corner singing "Brother Can You Spare A Dime?"

Yesterday, the conservative but also kind of Never Trumper site The Bulwark revealed the details of a grifty "fundraising" plea sent out by Stone's wife Nydia, begging supporters to give money to the Stones in order to help them keep up the lifestyle to which they have become accustomed.

It was titled "I am embarrassed to write this."

"Dear Friend," begins the missive. "My husband and I have an urgent new problem and we need your help. I told my husband I was going to write you, one of his most valued supporters. I am embarrassed to write this, but I must."

"Mrs. Roger Stone" tells a tale of woe: FBI agents swooping in on them at the crack of dawn to arrest her husband, a subsequent "fake news" feeding frenzy causing friends and fans to abandon the Stones.

"He laid off all our consultants, contractors and employees, and we have 'pulled in our belts' like so many Americans in 'tight times,'" she wrote, sounding for all the world like a plucky working-class patriot, not the wife of a man who made and lost his fortune lying in the service of power.

She should have been more embarrassed.

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