Well, lordy Jesus, that was 10 minutes of our life we're never going to get back.

A few minutes ago, all the reporters on Twitter started saying, "Um, we are getting called to the Rose Garden and we don't know why." Democrats were supposed to be meeting with Trump about Infrastructure Week, but instead, this was happening:

Hooray! There was a sign in the Rose Garden! It said how big the Mueller Investigation was! And most importantly the Mueller Investigation said NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION, PREZNIT TRUMP GOOD, NOT A RUSSIAN.

(It did not say that. Not even a little bit. And just this morning, House Intel Committee Chair Adam Schiff announced a surely temporary detente with the Justice Department because it's FINALLYFUCKINGFINALLY agreed to start handing over counter-intel information from the investigation to the committee. Just this morning.)

Look, Preznit No Russias held the sign!

Anyway, as we were saying, Trump was supposed to be doing an Infrastructure Week meeting with some Dems, but he got mad and waddled his greasy butt right out of there to go say NO COLLUSION to the Rose Garden.

Some people in White House were like "No, Preznit NoRussia McGreasyButt, don't go down there!" but we guess they didn't try hard enough.

So there the president found himself in the Rose Garden, and he had a sign, and everything he said was basically everything he tweets. Maybe his little tiny hands are too achy for a tweet storm right now, and all they could lift was that sign?

And so it was that the president of the United States sniffed and he sniffed and he said NO COLLUSION and he said Jerry Nadler sucks and he read words from a Wall Street Journal op-ed that said NO COLLUSION and he told those Democrats that if they don't stop their investigations right now, then they won't get to join in the big Infrastructure Week party Donald Trump, President Of Accomplishments, is throwing, and won't they be sad then?


And, um ... the end, we guess?

Literally, that was it. Dipshit was mad, so Dipshit went to the Rose Garden to whine.

If you want some video for some reason (just to check if Wonkette is lyin' at ya, probably!) here you go. As Aaron Rupar points out, fucker's mouth seemed to be on the fritz again:

What a special American moment this has been, God bless us everyone, etc.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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photo by Dominic Gwinn

There was a time, a few months ago, when everyone had written off Elizabeth Warren. Well, not me, because I am a fabulous genius, but lots of other people. The "very reasonable" talking heads on all the various news channels, the kind of people who used to say things like "Oh, we'd like universal health care too, but 'the people' will never go for it!" but who definitely did not actually want universal health care for any reason, and even the Trump campaign. Though, to be fair, the Trump campaign didn't think Trump had much of a chance of winning in 2016 either.

But now, as more and more people hear her speak, hear her plans, hear what she wants to do and how she wants to do it... Elizabeth Warren is rising up in the polls. She's a contender. In the most recent Quinnipiac poll, she was closing in on Sanders for second place nationally, and in California and Nevada polls, she's in second place.

And now, according to a report from Politico, the Trump campaign is now scrambling and panicking and... stalking her?

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