Maybe Lindsey Graham Is Just A Piece Of Shit

When we last left South Carolina GOP Senator Lindsey Graham, we were watching him tell Donald Trump that if he gets to be chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee next year, then the president won't have to worry his deformed little orange head, because Graham will LOCK HER UP Hillary Clinton. We were wondering, as we have many times in the past year, just precisely what Trump and Vladimir Putin have on Lindsey Graham, and also noting that if it is the obvious thing, then EVERYBODY KNOWS, LINDSEY, ALLEGEDLY.

But hey, maybe he's not compromised. Maybe this is just how Lindsey Graham really is now, because today, not even 96 hours after the death of the MAVERICK who was allegedly his best friend, Graham has found an opportunity to be a gigantic Trump-licking piece of shit several times. His dead friend would be SORE ASHAMED.

Lindsey Graham apparently isn't upset that the unindicted co-conspirator president he spends so much time snuggling with has treated his dead friend with such grave disrespect, unbefitting of a syphilitic housecat, not to mention the purported leader of the free world. He said this on the "Today" show this morning:

How very weak and sad, Senator Graham. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, whose politics couldn't be more different from John McCain's, and who isn't even in Congress yet, managed an extremely classy and genuine response to McCain's death within minutes of the news coming out, whereas the president OF MCCAIN'S OWN PARTY, who only had a "tentious" relationship with McCain because said president has been shitting all over McCain's war service for years, had to be literally cattle prodded by Aunt Lydia Huckabee Sanders into saying something halfway decent, two days late. Fuck you, Lindsey.

Also on "Today," Lindsey Graham helped to continue normalizing the idea of Donald Trump firing Jeff Sessions in order to obstruct justice in the Russia investigation. He started this several days ago. This morning, Graham said it's not just because Sessions recused himself from the Russia investigation that Trump can't stand his little elfin racist face. It's MORE THAN THAT.

GRAHAM: This relationship is beyond repair, I think. [...] It's much deeper than that. We won't say on this show, but it's a pretty deep breach.

Graham continued by saying "the relationship's not working" and Sessions should be replaced with somebody who will "commit to the Senate" that he or she will not interfere with the Robert Mueller investigation. That is good, but we'll believe it when we fucking see it.

Also, what the hell kind of deep breach is Lindsey Graham talking about? Did Trump try to grab Sessions by the pussy but he couldn't get there? Did Sessions accidentally try to deport Melania when she visited the border? Did Sessions invite Trump to the Sessions Family Hootenanny and was the country fried squirrel gravy unsatisfactory to the president's delicate palate?

Does Sessions ring the White House doorbell and run?

Does he follow Michael Avenatti on Twitter?


Here's another bit of bullshit, from Lindsey Graham's appearance on "Fox & Friends" this morning:

Oh, IS THAT RIGHT, LINDSEY GRAHAM? You mean the same dossier that somebody slipped to your dead friend John McCain because they knew that McCain of all people would see how significant the allegations were, allegations that YOUR GOLFING BUDDY'S CAMPAIGN was involved in a covert conspiracy to steal American democracy and hand it over to the Russians and their longtime intelligence asset A.K.A. YOUR GOLFING BUDDY? Allegations that have not yet been disproven, even a little bit? Many of which have actually been confirmed? Against the backdrop of a wide-ranging WITCH HUNT that seems to catch a new Russian witch approximately every six seconds?

Is that the dossier you mean, Lindsey Graham, you piece of shit?

And WTF did Hillary Clinton "do with her emails," Lindsey? No, we don't mean whatever paint-huffing horseshit Sean Hannity is howling about, we mean how the FBI and Congress investigated Hillary's emails exhaustivelyand found she had acted irresponsibly but not criminally. You gonna put Colin Powell in jail too, Lindsey Graham? You gonna do that, big man? Is that what John McCain would want you to do? Or is that what Trump and Putin would want you to do?

Ever wonder if McCain ever gave Lindsey Graham any advice on how to deal with Donald Trump, and if so, is he following it?

Lindsey Graham, you are swimming in bullshit river, because you crawled up Trump's ass like a sniveling sycophant the second you started playing golf with him.

As we write this, Lindsey Graham is standing on the Senate floor boo-hooing about the death of his friend. It's all nice words, but we call bullshit, considering every other action Graham has taken over the last year or so.

Stop your crying, asshole. Or as we said it the other day on Twitter:

And that is what we have to say about that.

Have an open thread now!

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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