What’s The Most Polite Way To Ask COVID-19 Anti-Vaxxers Not To Be F*cking A-Holes?

What’s The Most Polite Way To Ask COVID-19 Anti-Vaxxers Not To Be F*cking A-Holes?

Morons are delaying the nation's recovery from the COVID-19 pandemic because they refuse to take a safe and effective vaccine. But we're not supposed to call them morons, even if they believe the vaccines are untested or experimental (they are neither) and might turn you into a living magnet (yeah, no).

Michael Brendan Dougherty at the National Review wrote that the vaccine rollout has hit a wall of “skepticism," but this is an insult to the good name of Dana Scully. Reasonable people are skeptical when drunks claim they saw a UFO. What we're experiencing isn't vaccine “skepticism," but a right-wing disinformation campaign that actively promotes baseless conspiracy theories about perfectly safe vaccines.


Dougherty argues that liberals must "convince the skeptics" by making sure they don't "feel disrespected." Conservatives used to shout that “facts don't care about your feelings," but apparently that only applies when misgendering trans kids in public schools. Vaccine resisters are 21st century flat-earthers, and it's uncertain how liberals kissing their asses will somehow arouse their civic responsibility.

COVID-19, especially the more contagious Delta variant, is surging among the unvaccinated, so it's not like those of us with brains in our heads are asking these fools for a favor. It's in their best interests to protect themselves and their loved ones. Yes, we all benefit the sooner the nation reaches herd immunity, but how are we supposed to reach people who'd literally die to own the libs?

Louisiana's vaccination rate is an appalling 35 percent, but GOP Senator Bill Cassidy blames President Joe Biden, who he says made some “incredibly partisan statements" -- he obviously wasn't specific -- and that's why his constituents don't trust all the medical experts -- none of whom are Joe Biden -- who say the vaccine is safe. It's Cassidy's own Republican colleagues in the House and Senate who are making false statements about the vaccine. Lauren Boebert, Marjorie Taylor Greene, Ron Johnson and Rand Paul (among others) are the problem, not President Biden.

John Kennedy, Lousiana's junior GOP senator, publicly announced he'd gotten vaccinated back in April, and even sang “Born Free" in a video he posted on Twitter encouraging others to do so. Good for him. Maybe if he promised not to sing again if people got vaccinated, the state's numbers would've improved.

Republicans have made “partisan statements" about unemployment rates, claiming people not rushing back to work (often in states with low vaccination rates) are lazy bums. The National Review wrote in June that states should "fight federal incentives that encourage joblessness." Republicans weren't interested in the reasons people might've had for not taking the first lousy job that came their way. No, they believed the only solution was forcing them back in the COVID-19 mines.

Contrast this to how Republicans have coddled vaccine resisters by blocking private businesses from requiring people are vaccinated before entering their establishments. Arkansas forbids private insurers from charging higher premiums to people who refuse vaccinations. Stupidity is not a pre-existing condition. Montana won't even let healthcare providers require their staffs to be vaccinated. Years ago, then-House Speaker Paul Ryan claimed the Affordable Care Act encouraged people not to work and that free school lunch kept poor kids from going out and finding rich parents, like Little Orphan Annie.

According to their own expressed ideology, Republicans are making it easier for people to remain unvaccinated. They've even applied their abstinence-only sex “education" approach to vaccinations: Republicans don't want health officials even talking about vaccinations. Just close your legs and don't catch coronavirus.

Meanwhile, some geniuses suggest that if Biden really wanted to save lives, he'd solicit help from former COVID-spreader in chief, Donald Trump.

Alleged “conservative Twitter satire star" David Burge tweeted Friday:

It would not kill Biden to invite Trump to jointly appear in a 5 minute pretaped, mutually approved film asking people to get a vaccine that they both want to take credit for. Doesn't have to be at the White House, it could be at a [Dairy Queen] or wherever.

We don't know how many coups the asshole has to plot before people catch on that Donald Trump doesn't care about anyone but Donald Trump. He left his own stooges, including his personal “Shemp" Mike Pence, at the mercy of his violent mob on January 6. Why would he work with Joe Biden, who he doesn't even acknowledge as president?

Biden isn't the diva here. All the surviving former American presidents and first ladies filmed a PSA promoting vaccination. Donald and Melania Trump were notably absent, because Trump was too busy having a tantrum around Inauguration Day. (Tucker Carlson denounced the PSAs, of course.)

Trump's sorry ass was vaccinated in secret, but he spends more time spreading his Big Lie than helping stop the spread of COVID-19. Burge also mistakenly assumes Trump is a leader instead of a vicious bully who cultivates his followers' worst instincts. MAGA is anti-vax, and Trump isn't interested in convincing them otherwise.

Sunday, Trump released a typically Trump-like statement where he took full credit for the vaccine, but claimed his supporters aren't taking the vaccine because they don't trust Biden or the election results. Does this monster want his supporters to die to spite Biden?

We're not monsters, so we regret any preventable deaths. If playing nice to overgrown children will demonstrably improve vaccination rates, we'd happily say: “Pretty please, with sugar on top, get the fucking vaccine."

Follow Stephen Robinson on Twitter.

Keep Wonkette going forever, please, if you are able!

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)

Stephen Robinson

Stephen Robinson is a writer and social kibbitzer based in Portland, Oregon. He writes make believe for Cafe Nordo, an immersive theatre space in Seattle. Once, he wrote a novel called “Mahogany Slade,” which you should read or at least buy. He's also on the board of the Portland Playhouse theatre. His son describes him as a “play typer guy."


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc