When All Else Fails, Think

Think tanks have this magical ability to fix all the evil in the world, just by thinking. This week they solve the Middle East crisis (ABOUT TIME) and explain how the financial crisis has affected everyone from children to small animals to the newest crop of starving, underpaid/unpaid interns in DC.  And the Heritage Foundation even manages to find the time to praise everyone’s favorite dead conservative, Ronald Reagan, again. So what if the Israelis and Palestinians have been fighting for thousands of years? They’ve just been stalling. Considering that there are at least three events about the Middle East this week, we are positive that peace is almost here. Wait for it.

  • Monday, June 1: Today at the Brooking Institution you can discover how our little squabbles in Iraq have almost completely reduced our ability to ever do anything good in the Middle East again. The key word is "almost" -- there's still hope!
  • Monday, June 1: Also today, the Middle East Institute explains what’s next for the Middle East (Kosher sandwiches with cheese? Pigs AIDS? Increased violence and warfare?) in light of the recent visits to DC from the Prime Ministers of Egypt and Israel and the president of the Palestinian Authority.
  • Wednesday, June 3: The Center for American Progress on Wednesday tackles Jerusalem, the epicenter of all this crap.
  • Wednesday, June 3: And our good friends at the Heritage Foundation ponder how we can solve this crisis now that Iran has gone completely nuts.  Because before they were such a great neighbor.

Or, if you’re more interesting in determining how the financial crisis is ruining everyone's lives, there's plenty to learn this week.

  • Monday, June 1: If you're concerned with how Europe is handling the fallout form the financial crisis, EU Commissioner Charlie McCreevy will be at the Atlantic Council on Monday to explain that Europe is doing just fine, thanks for asking. We recommended taking notes-- couldn't hurt considering how screwed we are.
  • Tuesday, June 2: Everyone’s favorite McCain supporter, Douglas Holtz-Eakin, will be at the Brooking Institution on Tuesday to tell us why health care the Obama way will make us all broke.
  • Wednesday, June 3: Lest we forget to figure out just how screwed the kiddies are as a result of all this crap. On Wednesday, the New America Foundation recommends that all children just stop being because, frankly, there’s no longer any financial value to being cute and under 4 feet.
  • Feel good event of the week:Ronald Reagan is the topic of conversation Thursday at the Heritage Foundation, as everyone knows that glorifying past presidents and refusing to give up on antiquated ideas is THE way to reestablish the legitimacy of the Republican Party.  Keep up the good work Heritage -- we don’t know what America would do without you.

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