When Brian Kilmeade Is The Brainy One In The Room, That's A Whole Situation

Fox News's Rachel Campos-Duffy — the one who used to be on "The Real World" — has done something science previously thought impossible: She made Brian Kilmeade look like the smart one. As in, if you were the Mensa committee, and you had been using Kilmeade's application as a coaster, you might pick up your Mensa coffee mug and give it a second glance.

It happened on yesterday's "Fox & Friends," when Campos-Duffy insisted over and over and over again that America had caused Russia to go to war against Ukraine, because Kremlin talking points are just really big on Fox News these days. This gave Brian Kilmeade opportunity after opportunity to show his foreign policy chops. No, we didn't know he had those either!

And to be clear, reminding one's co-host 95 times that Vladimir Putin doesn't actually have the authority to dictate what countries that aren't called "Russia" do shouldn't really qualify as foreign policy prowess, but we are grading on a serious "Fox & Friends" curve here. If actual poo isn't being flung on the set, we're going to start handing out participation trophies.

Check out this video and transcript:

RACHEL CAMPOS-DUFFY (CO-HOST): I don't know, if you look at that map and the areas that they have that you say could end up in this peace agreement, that's true. And that's why we should have never provoked them. I mean, they made very clear that there was a red line. The red line was a neutrality for Ukraine, that they could not enter NATO. And in the end, when they get this — if they get this peace agreement — in the end, that's probably going to end up being the case anyway.


Just "no." He just said "no." As in "everything you just said is bugfuck." As in "play again next time." As in "don't know where to start with how wrong that all is." He just said "no."

CAMPOS-DUFFY: I bet you that one of the conditions will have to be that Ukraine, you know, promise to remain neutral, will not be part of NATO.

KILMEADE: Well, I'll tell you what, you can never give in to what Russia wants other nations to do. You decide —

Because Russia is actually not the boss of other countries? Because Ukraine wasn't anywhere near being accepted into NATO in the first place? Because potential NATO membership isn't actually why Putin invaded and started murdering Ukraine?


KILMEADE: They are going to decide to go into NATO —

CAMPOS-DUFFY: Well, we —

KILMEADE: — to go into the European Union, when they are a European society that wants that?

CAMPOS-DUFFY: We have a Monroe doctrine

"We have a Monroe doctrine." Because this can't be about Ukraine being allowed to make its own decisions as a sovereign nation, we have to invoke a really old US policy (one the Obama administration officially buried but the Trump administration tried to bring back) about outside colonization. If that reminds you of some Kremlin apologetics masquerading as an intellectual argument, you're not imagining things. Seems to be going around these days.

CAMPOS-DUFFY: ... and I think we would be very concerned about this kind of action in our hemisphere. I think he said 'keep it neutral.' And in the end, probably Ukraine is going to lose more land because of this. Again, the main problem here as you see, and as we discussed earlier —

KILMEADE: Is Vladimir Putin.

The problem is Putin. He explained that the problem is Putin. Putin did this. Not us. Putin isn't the boss of Ukraine. Ukraine is.

CAMPOS-DUFFY: Well, no, actually, the main problem is still China. And now we have created a bigger bloc. China and Russia together. This is why our policy makers aren't thinking long-term.

She thinks the main problem in Russia's war against Ukraine is "China." We'll agree that China is a problem here, in ways that cannot be explained in single sentences uttered by Fox News personalities, but we question the math that says the "main problem" is China.


Steve Doocy said "right."

CAMPOS-DUFFY: Provoking this has brought our two enemies closer together.

KILMEADE: We did not provoke the war.

We didn't provoke this.


KILMEADE: They provoked the war.

They provoked this.

CAMPOS-DUFFY: Well, they had a red line. And we had an agreement in November, a security agreement —

KILMEADE: They can't make a red line in other countries, Rachel. It's not up to them to make a red line in other countries.

They can't do that, Rachel.

CAMPOS-DUFFY: This is the fate of the geography of Ukraine, and they could have remained a free country. We could have armed them.

A free country that has to run most of its major decisions by Vladimir Putin.

So like, the United States from 2017 to early 2021. Probably not quite what Ukraine is going for here.

And that is how you make Brian Kilmeade look like the brainy genius knowledge bowl nerd. Just keep repeating Kremlin propaganda so obvious and stupid even he is like "Jesus Christ, dude."

In other news, there may be a spot coming free at Channel One in Russia, so if Rachel Campos-Duffy wants to throw her hat in the ring, she could apply for an opportunity to spread Kremlin propaganda from home office.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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