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Where In DC To Spot Masturbating Witches This Halloween

Wonkabout

Would you look at that, it's time for Halloween. Perhaps you are putting the finishing touches on your Sexy Sarah Palin/Tina Fey Costume, or is that not *in* this year? So maybe you're going to dress up as theBP Oil Spill? Or a failed mortgage? Or maybe you've chosen some other semi-political witty Concept, TeeVee Personality or Event In History for your costume? This Halloween, hopefully you will join us for our First Annual Wonkette Horror Bar Night, but what about after that? Thankfully, we are service-y journalists, so go have a "fun but safe" Halloween by doing what we tell you to do.


  • Passenger: Another day, another pig roast: Passenger is hosting an evening of "Tiki, Tacos and Terror" on Saturday night to celebrate Halloween -- and yes, they will be roasting a pig. They will also be serving a strong alcoholic beverage made form Mezcal and high-proof rum, and a mariachi band will be playing, because why not?
  • Masa 14: This Latino Asian fusion bar/restaurant is getting in on the Halloween spirit by hosting a Halloween costume party on Saturday night. Winner gets $100, but everyone wins when tequila is on special.
  • Town: Let's not forget the gays: Town Danceboutique is hosting their annual Ghosttown Costume Contest on Saturday night, and the winner walks away with $1,000.
  • Nightmare on M Street: According to Lindy Promotions, what is a holiday, if not an excuse for a bar crawl? Their annual Nightmare on M Street bar crawl is this Saturday night. It features 13 bars (most of which are in the beloved Herpes Triangle), including McFaddens, Mackey's Pub, The Front Page, Rumors, Black Finn and Public Bar. Drink specials include $2 Coors Light bottles, $3 Blue Moon & Blue Moon Pumpkin Ale, $4 Captain Morgan & Jeremiah Weed drinks, $2 Captain Morgan Lime Bite shooters, and $3 Red Bull.
  • U Street Music Hall: On Sunday, DJs from the motherland (New York) are hosting a dance party and goth contest at U Hall. First prize is free admission to every U Street Music Hall event for the next year, but the runner up gets a set of steak knives.

Here are some more places where you can wander on Saturday night in your costume and maybe win some big moneys: Buddha Bar (dress up like your favorite "Bad Guy" contest), Donovan House (winner gets a free night stay at the hotel),  ChurchKey, Asia Nine, and Ventnor Sports Cafe.

And don't forget that we are hosting a costume competition/drink fest Friday, October 29, in the Devil's Kitchen at the Big Hunt. Will there be a huge monetary prize for whoever has the best costume? Probably not! But we will put your picture on the internet for all to see. And maybe Ken will send you a T-shirt because that would be at least something.

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Donald Trump held another great big slob picnic in Orlando, Florida, last night, where he "announced" the "start" of his 2020 campaign, which will be exactly like his 2016 campaign except for the minor detail that he's actually been in the White House since 2017, which is really a bummer, man. Still, it's no reason he can't run as an outsider who vows to protect everyday Americans who believe he's just like them. The rally was a mishmash of the same damn shit he's said a million times before, and the rubes loved almost every minute of it except for the boring parts when he talked about stuff he's supposedly achieved in office, because not even his supporters care about trade policy or tariffs. They want an enemy, and they want to be told they and Trump will destroy that enemy together because they are the real Americans. So that's what Trump gave them, again and again, a feast of fear and resentment designed to get them to the polls. It was enough in 2016, and Trump thinks it'll do the job in 2020.

If there was anything new in the speech -- which was mostly Trump reading from a teleprompter, plus the expected weirdass asides -- nobody has identified it. He complained about the press and the crowd chanted "CNN sucks," and he explained what a threat to the nation Hillary Clinton is -- in fact, he mentioned her eight times during the 80-minute rant.

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