This fucker right here.

Hooray, or the opposite of that! We have our first after-hours breaking news story of 2018, and it is that Donald Trump committed so much more obstruction of justice with the James Comey firing and the Russia investigation than we EVER knew, and special counsel Robert Mueller already knows about it. The story was broken by Michael Schmidt in the New York Times, the same guy who captured Trump's unsupervised rant at Mar-a-Lago last week. The first thing you need to know is that Donald Trump wants to know where the hell "his Roy Cohn" is, because he's used to having unethical fixers to fix his unethical shit for him, and doesn't understand that the attorney general of the United States of America is not actually his personal lawyer/dick-fluffer. Also apparently he is not aware that the actual Roy Cohn, who mentored him, is sucking cock in hell right now as a punishment for being one of the worst pieces of shit ever to walk this earth.

The scene: Trump had ordered White House counsel Don McGahn to make sure Attorney General Jeff Sessions wouldn't recuse himself from the Russia probe, even though Sessions is literally covered in Russian dressing. And now the outburst:

Mr. McGahn was unsuccessful, and the president erupted in anger in front of numerous White House officials, saying he needed his attorney general to protect him. Mr. Trump said he had expected his top law enforcement official to safeguard him the way he believed Robert F. Kennedy, as attorney general, had done for his brother John F. Kennedy and Eric H. Holder Jr. had for Barack Obama.

Mr. Trump then asked, “Where’s my Roy Cohn?” He was referring to his former personal lawyer and fixer, who had been Senator Joseph R. McCarthy’s top aide during the investigations into communist activity in the 1950s and died in 1986.

As we said, Donald, he is in hell right now.

We also learn in the NYT scoop more detail about Donald Trump's original hate letter to James Comey, the one he drafted at Bedminster with Stephen Miller the weekend before he fired Comey. This is also the letter White House counsel said UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES was Trump allowed to release. Apparently the very first line, the very first justification for firing Comey, was that the Russia probe was "fabricated and politically motivated." How's that for evidence Trump fired Comey for the purpose of obstructing the Russia investigation? (As if Trump's confession to NBC's Lester Holt wasn't enough LOLOL.)

After his pathetic angerbear words were rejected by the White House counsel, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein was tasked with writing an actual letter justifying the Comey firing, but the breaking news here -- the news that could get Rosenstein disbarred, WONKETTE LAWSPLAINER COMING SOON -- is that he knew exactly what that original letter said, therefore he knew exactly what he was covering up:

On Monday, May 8, Mr. Trump met with Mr. Sessions and Mr. Rosenstein to discuss firing Mr. Comey, and Mr. Rosenstein agreed to write his own memo outlining why Mr. Comey should be fired. Before writing it, he took a copy of the letter that Mr. Trump and Mr. Miller had drafted during the weekend in Bedminster.

The president fired Mr. Comey the following day.

Do we all remember the hilarious letter Rosenstein wrote, about how Trump was firing Comey because he was UNFAIR TO HILLARY CLINTON? It was horseshit then (by which we mean everything Rosenstein wrote about Comey's unprofessionalism in shivving Hillary Clinton a week before the election was absolutely true, but ALSO that it was an absolutely true PRETEXT to fire James Comey, thereby obstructing justice) and it's horseshit now. Especially if we're looking at Trump's Twitter this morning:

ROSENSTEIN KNEW. He knew exactly what he was doing, and if he is a decent lawyer, he knows he was obstructing justice for Donald Trump. Why he is throwing away his career and his integrity and his reputation in service of the orange pussgrabbing ne'er-do-well in the Oval Office, we cannot imagine, but again, more lawsplaining on that later!

Another fascinating angle of this is that, in the days leading up to the Comey firing, a lawyer from the White House counsel's office actively misled Trump about his own power to fire the FBI director, much like the US intelligence community withholds information from Trump -- or hides it from him by describing it with words instead of colorful pictures -- they deem too hot for his not-yet-fully-formed mind to handle:

After [James Comey publicly revealed that the FBI was investigating the Trump campaign] Mr. Trump began to discuss openly with White House officials his desire to fire Mr. Comey. This unnerved some inside the White House counsel’s office, and even led one of Mr. McGahn’s deputies to mislead the president about his authority to fire the F.B.I. director.

The lawyer, Uttam Dhillon, was convinced that if Mr. Comey was fired, the Trump presidency could be imperiled, because it would force the Justice Department to open an investigation into whether Mr. Trump was trying to derail the Russia investigation.

Longstanding analysis of presidential power says that the president, as the head of the executive branch, does not need grounds to fire the F.B.I. director. Mr. Dhillon, a veteran Justice Department lawyer before joining the Trump White House, assigned a junior lawyer to examine this issue. That lawyer determined that the F.B.I. director was no different than any other employee in the executive branch, and that there was nothing prohibiting the president from firing him.

But Mr. Dhillon, who had earlier told Mr. Trump that he needed cause to fire Mr. Comey, never corrected the record, withholding the conclusions of his research.

Naughty naughty! Uttam Dhillon is apparently not Donald Trump's Roy Cohn! Of course, this is not generally how lawyering works. You are not supposed to hide correct information from your clients! Then again, the office of White House counsel isn't actually the lawyer for Donald Trump, but rather for the office of the presidency, so it will be interesting to see how this plays out.

Other obstruction of justice news broken by the Times includes the fact that former chief of staff Reince Priebus took notes in real time that said Trump told him he had called Comey to try to obstruct justice for him by saying Trump wasn't personally under investigation by the FBI.

After Comey's testimony, Jeff Sessions, sad and wounded from being yelled at 24 hours a day by President Diapershits, tried to help obstruct justice too:

Two days after Mr. Comey’s testimony, an aide to Mr. Sessions approached a Capitol Hill staff member asking whether the staffer had any derogatory information about the F.B.I. director. The attorney general wanted one negative article a day in the news media about Mr. Comey, according to a person with knowledge of the meeting.

Oh fiddlesticks! All these career public servants throwing their careers in the garbage for Donald Trump!

As we said above, Robert Mueller knows about this, and the Times also reveals that he's taking a hard look-see at the bullshit lie letter Donald Trump dictated on Air Force One about his misshapen firstborn son's hot sexxxy spy meeting with the Russian spies in Trump Tower. We don't know if Mueller has enough to take Trump all the way down on obstruction of justice charges, but our educated guess is NOT JUST YES BUT OH FUCK YES.

2018 is only five days old, kids.

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[New York Times]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Once upon a time... about ten years ago, a group of entirely ridiculous men burst onto the scene wearing stupid hats and telling men that wearing stupid hats and telling men that walking up to women in bars and insulting ("negging") them would get them laid. This did not last long, as women also had televisions and computers and were completely aware of these tricks as well, so when some ass came up to us in a bar and said "Hey, nice nails, are they real?" we would laugh and laugh and loudly announce "Oh my god, this guy just tried to neg me! Can you believe that shit? HEY EVERYONE, THIS GUY JUST TRIED TO NEG ME!" and then refer to him as "Mystery" the whole night.

Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

Some of them, like Roosh V, a creepy weirdo who actually does live in his mom's basement, actively encouraged men to rape women who were intoxicated to the point of being obviously unable to consent.

However, even that branch of the PUA tree is wilting away. Many "self-help" style PUA forums like Nextasf and RSDnation are shutting down or have already shut down. In March, Chateau Heartiste, a batshit crazy PUA turned White Nationalist/Alt-Right blog was shut down by Wordpress. This week, rape advocate Roosh V (whom you may recall once called yours truly a "Wonkette typist/clown face, would not bang") announced that he was renouncing his PUA ways and devoting himself to Jesus. He explained to the forum he manages that he would no longer be allowing anyone to discuss premarital "fornication."

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

is stronger, safer, and with more jobs because our President has made his every move correct. Don't be fooled by the political left, because we are the people of this nation that is witnessing triumph. So let us stand with our president. Let us stand up for this truth, that President Trump is the greatest president since President Lincoln.

Does Jon Voight not know there have been... other presidents? Can he name them? Because really, it does not sound like it. Does he also not know that a very big chunk of the Republican Party actually does not care very much for Abraham Lincoln? Namely those defenders of Confederate statues that Trump called "very fine people?" Also, did he intentionally diss their beloved Ronald Reagan?

Who can know? Who can even tell what he is trying to say or why he is trying to say it. He doesn't appear to have tweeted much since 2016, so I'm guessing whoever's job it was to keep him from tanking his career quit. Either that... or after filming the seventh season of Ray Donovan, he found out it's going to be canceled or his character is getting killed off or something and he is now free to be a jackass? I don't know, I haven't watched the show, although my parents are very into it and mad that I haven't watched it. Literally all I know about it is that it has something to do with Boston, because they keep mentioning that to me like it's a selling point.

It seems useless at this point to note that the people who scream their faces off about how bad it is for Hollywood celebs to support liberal causes, and how they should keep their politics to themselves, etc. etc. make a way bigger deal than normal people do whenever a Big Time Hollywood Celebrity like Jon Voight or, uh, Scott Baio, supports their cause. Mostly because they're the only ones who have elected a reality TV star and the star of Bedtime for Bonzo (who by the way, also once practically ruined a perfectly good Bette Davis movie with his bad acting. Which is not to say that Dark Victory is not fantastic and probably the best thing to watch if you want to sob your face off, but he was very bad in it.) to run the country.

But we might as well do that anyway, because it actually never stops being funny.

[Jon Voight Twitter]

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