Did Democrat Whistleblower Make Sweet Love To Elizabeth Warren Or Bernie Sanders And Put It All In A Letter To Himself? (No)

We are not saying the whistleblower is Melania.

We have learned a new thing about the whistleblower, and it is that it was a DEMOCRAT WHISTLEBLOWER BIAS DEEP STATE WITCH HUNT! Haha, just kidding, we are not the National Review, and we don't have any of the perfectly legal drugs Byron York may or may not sniff when he writes his very fine internet articles.

Three news organizations broke the story on Tuesday that not only did the main whistleblower go through the proper channels several times to try to alert the proper authorities to the 2020 election crime in progress in the White House, that person also memorialized what they learned about Trump's treason call with Ukraine the very day after the call happened, when a freaked out White House official who heard the entire call came to them and said "oh SHIT."

Yes, like a common James Comey, and also like any other career official who witnesses or learns about wrongdoing, the whistleblower memorialized it in a two-page, single-spaced memo that wasn't even scratch 'n' sniff, thus ensuring that Donald Trump couldn't read it. (ALLEGEDLY.)

ABC News reports:

"The official, who listened to the entirety of the phone call, was visibly shaken by what had transpired and seemed keen to inform a trusted colleague within the U.S. national security apparatus about the call," the whistleblower writes in the memo.

The memo states the official "described the call as "crazy," "frightening," and completely lacking in substance related to national security."

After the call, the whistleblower says "I ... returned to my office, and wrote up my best recollection of what I had heard." The person notes that they did not review the call transcript or written notes, "but the official informed me they exist."

Crazy. Frightening. Completely lacking in substance related to national security. Yep, that sounds like Trump! It also sounds like the partial transcript of the call Trump released in order to show America what a perfect and beautiful treason call it really was.

However, the use of the terms "crazy" and "frightening" does tend to suggest to us that there's way more to that call transcript than what the White House released. Maybe we'll find out more about the call when we learn more about the new whistleblower, who reportedly has firsthand info.

Regardless, ABC reports that, just as we saw in the whistleblower complaint and just like we saw in the partial transcript, the day after the call the whistleblower knew that Trump talked Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskiy's ear off about his dumbass conspiracy theories about CrowdStrike, and his belief that the DNC server is hidden in the backyard in Ukraine somewhere, in order to hide the evidence that the DNC hacked itself to frame Trump and the Russians. The memo also noted that Trump talked about Burisma, the company on whose board Hunter Biden sat, because Trump wants Ukraine to make up lies about Joe Biden to help him in the 2020 election.

The New York Timesadds more detail from the memo, telling us about how all over the White House, people who were privy to the call knew that Trump had committed a literal actual crime with the Ukrainian president. Again, this memo was written the day after it happened:

"The official stated that there was already a conversation underway with White House lawyers about how to handle the discussion because, in the official's view, the president had clearly committed a criminal act by urging a foreign power to investigate a U.S. person for the purposes of advancing his own re-election bid in 2020," the C.I.A. officer wrote.

The White House official "seemed keen to inform a trusted colleague within the national security apparatus about the call," the C.I.A. officer wrote in his July 26 memo.

Fox News also broke the story about the whistleblower's memo, noting that it used "dramatic" language, which is probably Fox-speak for "gay," we dunno.

Of course, this memo was based on the whistleblower's conversation with one person. The whistleblower's complaint ended up being sourced from "multiple" White House officials. Lotsa people were willing and able to corroborate that information!

So let's review.

1. The whistleblower memorialized all this in a memo.

2. Then they went to the CIA general counsel, who took it to the WHITE HOUSE AND THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT, specifically the person in the White House responsible for hiding Trump's stinky crime secrets on the secret stinky crime server that's supposed to be used for things like the Bin Laden raid, and even though Attorney General Bill Barr was specifically implicated in Trump's Ukrainian crime schemes.

3. Then, worried that the complaint was being mishandled, they went to a House Intelligence Committee staffer (NOT Adam Schiff), who said lawyer up and try another proper channel for whistleblowing.

4. Then they went to the Intelligence Community Inspector General, Michael Atkinson, who agreed the complaint was credible and urgent, who then kicked it upstairs to (acting) DNI Joseph Maguire who then ... TOOK IT TO THE WHITE HOUSE AND THE JUSTICE DEPARTMENT.

At the top of this post, we made fun of Byron York, who has a #HotTake in National Review saying that the whistleblower is A HE IS A DEMOCRACK! and that moreover this person had a "professional tie" to one of the 2020 candidates, citing information that came out of ICIG Atkinson's testimony before Congress. Of course, as Brian Beutler points out, one of the 2020 candidates was the vice president of the United States, so it could be just something related to that.

It is also possible that the whistleblower is actually the Marine who got out-fucked by Elizabeth Warren. Maybe BERNIE out-fucked a Marine and then the Marine blew the whistles! Or at least beat the Marine at Boggle.

Either way, that information only matters if you're a fucking dumbshit like Byron York who thinks that a career national security official who got firsthand information from people inside the White House, all of whose information about Trump's crimes has checked out so far (some of which because Trump has admitted it), is somehow less credible if they vote for the political party that got way more votes than the president in 2016 and 2018. Remember, the Trump-appointed ICIG agreed that the complaint was credible and urgent.

But you're not a fucking dumbshit like Byron York, so don't worry about it.

[ABC News / New York Times]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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