​Hey White House, Should We Keep Talking About 'Alabama' More, FOREVER? Okay.

Right this very second, we imagine journalists like Ashley Parker and Maggie Haberman and Gabe Sherman are on the phone with White House sources, getting off-the-record statements like "You didn't hear this from me, but literally everybody up in here is ready to put His Royal Highness in a straitjacket over this All Hurricanes Fall On Alabama shit," and the journalists are like, "Thanks, Kellyanne, I will as usual not put your name in the newspaper."

Out of all the embarrassing days in the Trump presidency -- and according to calendars, there have been 958 embarrassing days in the Trump presidency -- this one ranks way up there. You'd think White House officials would be tweeting anything to distract from the fact that President Dumbshit McHurtyFeelings cannot let go and admit that he made a fuckup in his pants when he accused Hurricane Dorian of heading for Alabama, which has now led him to draw dicks with a Sharpie on an old outdated hurricane forecast map. They could tweet something nice and distracting, like "Remember, he's a Russian asset too!" or "Who's the president with the normal-sized hands? Not this guy!" or "Don't worry, we put the nuclear football at Nikki Haley's house in 2017." ANYTHING.

New White House press secretary idiot person Stephanie Grisham had a different #BeBest idea, and it was to double over laughing -- much like a hypothetical drunk who doesn't even realize she just got pulled over for a DUI, so everything is still LOL! -- at CNN, which made an oops in its graphics department. We should mention that CNN's oops was part of a story related to President Weatherfucker's weatherfucking, by which we mean the actual hurricane disaster that's wounding the president's pride and also killing people and destroying their homes, but most importantly the thing about the president's pride, obviously:

HAW HAW, FAKE NEWS CNN! You've been ZINGED by Stephanie Grisham! Everybody knows Mississippi isn't the one next to Georgia, HAW HAW, CNN, you're so out of touch, you probably don't even know President Dear Leader Stupid Hitler says Hurricane Dorian is currently bearing down on the thing in the middle, which is UMMMMM ALABAMA DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

CNN responded like a dick, because CNN should respond like a dick to that:

People make mistakes with graphics. Golly, we might even make one right now!

Like for instance if Editrix Rebecca said "Hey, find me a graphic of a normal human face," we might accidentally send this:


Or if Dok was working on a story about the proper care and feeding of an American flag and asked us to find a picture of somebody who isn't molesting the American flag with his strangely shaped mini-dong, we might accidentally send this .gif:


Gee whiz, if we did that stuff, it would probably mean we were multi-tasking and not really paying attention, because (real talk) when do we ever?

That is probably what happened at CNN.

What, praytell, is happening in the president's brain, Stephanie Grisham? That is a far more important question, and one we've never gotten a satisfactory answer to, besides how he can correctly identify "camel" out of a three-animal line-up.

Tell us about the president's broken brain, Steph, since you have willingly kept the subject of the president's broken brain in the news, by Alabama-splaining "What is Alabama" to CNN's graphics department.

Got a good answer, or you gonna run this one off the road?


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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