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Go to jail.


Get your giggling pants on, everyone, because here's a thing:

That's White House counsel Don McGahn, who is appalled Sally Yates didn't grab him by the dick and make him spell "FLYNN IS A CRIMINAL" in yellow snow on the White House lawn. It's funny because Sally Yates actually might as well have hired a goddamn skywriter, her warnings about Flynn were so dire and insistent. But sure, let's blame her, because why not. Why, we did not even include ALL the Wonkette posts talking about Sally Yates warning Don McGahn PERSONALLY about Michael Flynn, because we did not want to use up all the pixels! (Don McGahn should probably start reading Wonkette.)

So, the stock market plunged in reaction to Friday morning's hilarious news, that disgraced literal actual foreign agent Michael Flynn is pleading guilty to one little tiny count of lying to the FBI about his contacts with the Russians.

Of course, people shouldn't be under the impression this one little charge means that's all Flynn did. Hell no, you fool. Are you brand new at being Robert Mueller's boyfriend and still don't understand how he works? This guy gets it:

As we said this morning, Michael Flynn is about to sing like a first soprano in a show choir full of canaries. Why else would Trump have obstructed justice in the Russia investigation by pressuring James Comey to go easy on Flynn? Comey, by the way, has seen today's news:

Oh JAMES. You and your Bible jokes. We have one too!

But what will Michael Flynn sing about? Well, rumors on the internets say it might be Jared Kushner!

Two former officials with the Trump transition team who worked closely with Flynn say that during the last days of the Obama administration, the retired general was instructed to contact foreign ambassadors and foreign ministers of countries on the U.N. Security Council, ahead of a vote condemning Israeli settlements. Flynn was told to try to get them to delay that vote until after Barack Obama had left office, or oppose the resolution altogether. [...]

This was the context of Kushner's instruction to Flynn last December. One transition official at the time said Kushner called Flynn to tell him he needed to get every foreign minister or ambassador from a country on the U.N. Security Council to delay or vote against the resolution. Much of this appeared to be coordinated also with Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu, whose envoys shared their own intelligence about the Obama administration's lobbying efforts to get member states to support the resolution with the Trump transition team.

Marcy Wheeler (did we mention you should be reading all her Russia stuff? You should) agrees.

Other reporting says he might also sing about Donald Trump instructing him get in touch with the Russians, and as Eli Lake points out at Bloomberg, if that in any way relates to "the emails the U.S. intelligence community charges Russia stole from leading Democrats," it could lead to BING BONG, conspiracy, collusion, impeachment, then BYE TRUMP, bet they don't just let you grab them by the pussy and take them furniture shopping in federal prison!

We will just have to see!

Let's read Michael Flynn's statement and laugh at it:

"After over 33 years of military service to our country, including nearly five years in combat away from my family, and then my decision to continue to serve the United States ...

Blah blah blah ...

... it has been extraordinarily painful to endure these many months of false accusations of 'treason' and other outrageous acts," Flynn said in a statement.

Eat me.

"Such false accusations are contrary to everything I have ever done and stood for. But I recognize that the actions I acknowledged in court today were wrong, and, through my faith in God ...

Baby, God is up in heaven right now like NEW PHONE WHO DIS.

I am working to set things right. My guilty plea and agreement to cooperate with the Special Counsel's office reflect a decision I made in the best interests of my family and our country.

Which country? You're a foreign agent for Turkey and Russia, right?

I accept full responsibility for my actions."

Yeah you do.

That was fun. Let's see what else is funny on the internet right now:

Oh Ty Cobb, you are adorable. Just think, back in the day, he used to be known as "good at his job." Then he got Trumped. :(

We still cannot wait for the day the White House disavows Jared Kushner as a coastal elitist globalist (((Jew))) who tricked Donald Trump into giving him a West Wing job by marrying his daughter, like a common trickster.

If you want something else to read, Politico has "5 Times Trump Made Gay Love To Michael Flynn With Words." For now, we'll just shut this post down with video of Michael Flynn coming out of court today, mashed up with him yelling "Lock her up!" about Hillary Clinton at the GOP convention, because it is LOL:

Happy day!

Follow Evan Hurst on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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[Bloomberg / CBS News]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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