Go to jail.

Get your giggling pants on, everyone, because here's a thing:

That's White House counsel Don McGahn, who is appalled Sally Yates didn't grab him by the dick and make him spell "FLYNN IS A CRIMINAL" in yellow snow on the White House lawn. It's funny because Sally Yates actually might as well have hired a goddamn skywriter, her warnings about Flynn were so dire and insistent. But sure, let's blame her, because why not. Why, we did not even include ALL the Wonkette posts talking about Sally Yates warning Don McGahn PERSONALLY about Michael Flynn, because we did not want to use up all the pixels! (Don McGahn should probably start reading Wonkette.)

So, the stock market plunged in reaction to Friday morning's hilarious news, that disgraced literal actual foreign agent Michael Flynn is pleading guilty to one little tiny count of lying to the FBI about his contacts with the Russians.

Of course, people shouldn't be under the impression this one little charge means that's all Flynn did. Hell no, you fool. Are you brand new at being Robert Mueller's boyfriend and still don't understand how he works? This guy gets it:

As we said this morning, Michael Flynn is about to sing like a first soprano in a show choir full of canaries. Why else would Trump have obstructed justice in the Russia investigation by pressuring James Comey to go easy on Flynn? Comey, by the way, has seen today's news:

Oh JAMES. You and your Bible jokes. We have one too!

But what will Michael Flynn sing about? Well, rumors on the internets say it might be Jared Kushner!

Two former officials with the Trump transition team who worked closely with Flynn say that during the last days of the Obama administration, the retired general was instructed to contact foreign ambassadors and foreign ministers of countries on the U.N. Security Council, ahead of a vote condemning Israeli settlements. Flynn was told to try to get them to delay that vote until after Barack Obama had left office, or oppose the resolution altogether. [...]

This was the context of Kushner's instruction to Flynn last December. One transition official at the time said Kushner called Flynn to tell him he needed to get every foreign minister or ambassador from a country on the U.N. Security Council to delay or vote against the resolution. Much of this appeared to be coordinated also with Israeli prime minister Benjamin Netanyahu, whose envoys shared their own intelligence about the Obama administration's lobbying efforts to get member states to support the resolution with the Trump transition team.

Marcy Wheeler (did we mention you should be reading all her Russia stuff? You should) agrees.

Other reporting says he might also sing about Donald Trump instructing him get in touch with the Russians, and as Eli Lake points out at Bloomberg, if that in any way relates to "the emails the U.S. intelligence community charges Russia stole from leading Democrats," it could lead to BING BONG, conspiracy, collusion, impeachment, then BYE TRUMP, bet they don't just let you grab them by the pussy and take them furniture shopping in federal prison!

We will just have to see!

Let's read Michael Flynn's statement and laugh at it:

"After over 33 years of military service to our country, including nearly five years in combat away from my family, and then my decision to continue to serve the United States ...

Blah blah blah ...

... it has been extraordinarily painful to endure these many months of false accusations of 'treason' and other outrageous acts," Flynn said in a statement.

Eat me.

"Such false accusations are contrary to everything I have ever done and stood for. But I recognize that the actions I acknowledged in court today were wrong, and, through my faith in God ...

Baby, God is up in heaven right now like NEW PHONE WHO DIS.

I am working to set things right. My guilty plea and agreement to cooperate with the Special Counsel's office reflect a decision I made in the best interests of my family and our country.

Which country? You're a foreign agent for Turkey and Russia, right?

I accept full responsibility for my actions."

Yeah you do.

That was fun. Let's see what else is funny on the internet right now:

Oh Ty Cobb, you are adorable. Just think, back in the day, he used to be known as "good at his job." Then he got Trumped. :(

We still cannot wait for the day the White House disavows Jared Kushner as a coastal elitist globalist (((Jew))) who tricked Donald Trump into giving him a West Wing job by marrying his daughter, like a common trickster.

If you want something else to read, Politico has "5 Times Trump Made Gay Love To Michael Flynn With Words." For now, we'll just shut this post down with video of Michael Flynn coming out of court today, mashed up with him yelling "Lock her up!" about Hillary Clinton at the GOP convention, because it is LOL:

Happy day!

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[Bloomberg / CBS News]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Nancy Pelosi is making news again today after her weekly press conference, mostly because she said this about yesterday's nutbag performance from President Stable Genius:

[T]his time, another temper tantrum — again — I pray for the President Of The United States. I wish him and his family, his administration and staff would have an intervention for the good of the country.

She prays for him. And she's just kind of suggesting that maybe the president is unwell, in his brain. She's being very subtle!

When Glenn Thrush asked afterward what kind of "intervention" she might be talking about, she suggested that Article 25 would be just fine.

But many folks out there right now are saying "BUT WHAT ABOUT INPEACH! They are not going to do an intervention, because the intervention is called INPEACH!" (They are taking her words very literally, it would seem.) Every other damn day lately, there is news about how "NANCY SAID INPEACH IS BAD" or "NANCY SAID TRUMP'S ACTIONS IS SELF-INPEACH-ATORY, WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN, NANCY!" and whatever else, we don't know, because we have muted all of Twitter until further notice. (Here is some news about the House Democrats' weekly meeting yesterday, most of which was about Democrats yelling INPEACH! while Nancy Pelosi gave them cold showers.)

Here's the thing:

In today's presser, Pelosi was clearer than ever about her feelings on impeachment -- she doesn't like it, and she'd really hate for the nation to get to a place where that's inevitable, she is just saying it would be truly terrible for them to have to do that -- but they might just be FORCED to go there. And wouldn't that be just terrible? Nancy Pelosi is praying about that just like she is praying for Trump, under a big oak tree that casts all the shade she threw at Donald Trump for her entire fucking presser.

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Happy Throwback Thursday! Remember Paul Manafort? He's still in jail, don't worry. But it looks like he might be getting some company soon from his old pal Stephen Calk, who just got indicted today by the Southern District of New York.

Calk was a simple CEO and COB at the Federal Savings Bank of Chicago, but he had big dreams. He'd been an army pilot and a money guy, so he figured he was competent to be either Secretary of Treasury or Secretary of Army. He'd take Commerce or HUD, or even a cool ambassadorship to France, or the UK, or the UN -- he wasn't picky. Just any old position befitting a guy who is 100 percent going to be played by Michael McKean in the movie version of this nightmare.

Luckily Calk knew a guy on the inside. Sure that guy had recently been You're Fired from the Trump campaign for ratfucking the Ukrainian election, but Paul Manafort was still waving his bits all over Trumpland in the summer and fall of 2016, so Paul Manafort had the hookup that Calk needed. Luckily, Calk had what Manafort needed, which was MONEY. Manafort's fountain of untaxed cash had dried up since the Ukrainians gave his guy Viktor Yanukovych the boot, and he was in danger of losing multiple investment properties to foreclosure. So naturally Calk stepped up to the plate with $15 million in loans to keep the wolves at bay, because what are friends with more political ambition than scruple for, right?

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