White House Superlawyer Don McGahn Has New Best Friend, And It Is Robert Mueller!
If it's Monday, the Trump White House is losing its shit! (Monday is similar to the other days of the week in this regard.) News broke over the weekend that White House counsel Don McGahn, who technically represents the presidency and not the president, has been spending all his time over at Robert Mueller's house staying up late and watching 1990s RomComs and just generally telling Mueller everything he knows about Trump obstructing justice in the Russia investigation. It would appear that he has been doing this because he's trying to cover his own ass HARD.
This has been a consistent theme over the past year and a half. Stories will suddenly appear in the newspaper about things that happened in the White House, "according to sources," and the more you read the stories, you notice that one person is portrayed as the hero in all this, and his name is Don McGahn. This has led many people to believe that McGahn's alias is "a high ranking White House official familiar with the investigation."
According to the New York Times, McGahn has spent upwards of 30 hours with his new best friend Mueller, and has been able to help out with questions about Donald Trump's state of mind as he committed obstruction of justice crimes like firing James Comey, interfering with the Michael Flynn investigation, and trying to pressure/shame/beat Attorney General Jeff Sessions into obeying/resigning. Also, folks might remember that one of the times Trump tried to fire Robert Mueller, he did it by asking Don McGahn to call the Justice Department and do the deed, but McGahn told Trump to fuck off. This is because, as we previously asserted, McGahn is perfect and without blame.
Mr. McGahn laid out how Mr. Trump tried to ensure control of the investigation, giving investigators a mix of information both potentially damaging and favorable to the president. Mr. McGahn cautioned to investigators that he never saw Mr. Trump go beyond his legal authorities, though the limits of executive power are murky.
NYT says originally this was part of Trump's former lawyers' plan to cooperate fully, because obviously Trump did nothing wrong so why not cooperate fully? You can tell Trump is a stable genius who is innocent by reading his Twitter on any given day, so what's the big? Might as well be an open book!
Also, the thing we just said about McGahn covering his ass:
Mr. McGahn and his lawyer, William A. Burck, could not understand why Mr. Trump was so willing to allow Mr. McGahn to speak freely to the special counsel and feared Mr. Trump was setting up Mr. McGahn to take the blame for any possible illegal acts of obstruction, according to people close to him. So he and Mr. Burck devised their own strategy to do as much as possible to cooperate with Mr. Mueller to demonstrate that Mr. McGahn did nothing wrong.
That's right, they want Don McGahn to be the John Dean of Stupid Watergate, AKA the "fall guy." Sounds like McGahn sees things in a similar way, except preferably without the "going to jail" part, so he went ahead and started helping early. Has he officially flipped? Only he and his lawyer and the Mueller team know! Good thing Trump's original legal team never thought to assert executive privilege over Mueller interviewing the White House lawyer.
Trump was reportedly initially happy for McGahn to cooperate fully, because Trump is an idiot who doesn't know how anything works:
The president wrongly believed that Mr. McGahn would act as a personal lawyer would for clients and solely defend his interests to investigators, according to a person with knowledge of his thinking.
Yeah, babe, no. WHITE HOUSE COUNSEL is not DONALD TRUMP'S ROY COHN. Donald Trump's Roy Cohn, alas, is in hell right now.
But about that White House freakout!
Guys, we are shocked and awed to tell you that it really didn't occur to Trump that McGahn's cooperation could hurt him for a long damn time. This is because Trump is el dipshit. His current lawyers figured this out, according to Maggie Haberman, on Saturday, when that NYT report about McGahn's cooperation came out. Had they thought to ask McGahn about his late nights at Casa Mueller, playing naked Twister and making s'mores? Nah, those are questions smart lawyers would think to ask.
So everybody is freaking the fuck out because they have literally no idea what McGahn has told Mueller, and the White House will likely do something real stupid to distract everybody sometime before lunchtime tomorrow.
Speaking of freakouts, Trump spent his weekend at Bedminster playing golf and grabbing ass, so you just know his Twitter was lit on Sunday, and also this morning, because Donald Trump doesn't really have a job:
He will never ever ever learn how to spell "counsel" and YOU CAN'T MAKE HIM. As for the rest of the content of those tweets, WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE WHINE.
Anything else hilarious about this story?
Yes, and it is that Don McGahn's nickname for Trump, behind his back, is "King Kong." No, not because the president is the chunkiest gorilla in all the land! Just because he gets mad a lot, like a common King Kong!
STUPID PRESIDENT KING KONG, TO GO GORILLA JAIL WITH THE OTHER DUMB GORILLA CRIMINALS.
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