White House Turkeys: A Children's Treasury of Dumb T-Day Tradition


Happy Poultry Lobbyist Day, Harry!On this Thanksgiving Eve, we want to remind Americans that all presidents have always looked like twits during the annual Turkey Pardon Photo Op -- of course Barack Obama looked like an idiot pretending to care about that dumb bird headed to Disneyland, in 2010. And he surely looked like a sell-out fool this year, too, although we didn't bother to watch. (This is exactly why Obama seems so bored dealing with unemployed/destroyed people; he thinks they are turkeys, too.) Anyway, here's Harry Truman, reportedly forced by the National Turkey Federation to start the dumb tradition, thus ensuring that other popular Thanksgiving main courses of the time -- eels, ham, roast beast, parsnips, etc. -- would fall by the wayside. The Turkey Industry was the General Motors Bailout of 1947.

You don't want to know what LBJ did to that dead bird.Obviously faked, this photo of JFK's 1963 pardoning of the bird allegedly took place just four days before he was assassinated by the CIA. Note that only a lone turkey is shown; presidents are always presented with two live turkeys, "just in case something goes wrong."

That turkey's got a hidden mic up his butt! Nixon's own pardon would come soon enough.

Whip Inflation Now, turkey!America was outraged by yet another shocking pardon by Gerald Ford, who is pictured here being only vaguely aware he's president, like always.

Come look, mommy, it's a big scary bird!Say what you will about Reagan, but this was obviously the high point of his year.

Bow to me, goddamned bird.But once the Bush Dynasty had formally taken power, the childlike glee was forever gone. Now the weeping turkey cowered and bowed before GHWB, pledging all the Saudi and Kuwaiti oil fields in exchange for clemency.

Depends what you mean by 'pardon.'"You know, Jesse Jackson won South Carolina, too. What? Oh I hereby pardon this turkey and Marc Rich."

Have you seen Dignity?Can you believe 2008 was George Bush Junior's last Thanksgiving in the White House? Good-bye, George! Thanks for, uhh, fucking up the whole world forever, you turkey.


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