White House Worried Impeachment Will Make Trump Liddle' More Bugf*ck Dead Weight Than Usual​

How did you start your day? Some nice coffee with a scoop of alcohol beverage in it, like usual? Here is how the president of the United States started his day:

Hahahahahaha, he is so stupid. That tweet has been up for hours. Donald Trump, who spelled it "discribing" right there, thinks that apostrophes are called hyphens, and moreover, he thinks that if you add a "hyphen" to a misspelled word, it makes it ... correct?


This is not new. Look at this Trump tweet from 2017:

See the big HYPHEN? It means Trump spelled it right.

Obviously we could not let this day pass without acknowledging the new best stupidest Trump tweet ever sent, and it serves as a nice springboard for a post we've been wanting to write this entire godforsaken week. We've been so busy with the actual mechanics of the Trump Ukraine scandal that's getting him impeached, we've had zero time for the funny palace intrigue stories that have been coming out all week.

Short version? Trump is SHOOOOOOK. And the White House is LOSING IT.

Let's just quick-style look at some quotes from White House officials and former White House officials talking to the #FakeNews to tell them how bugfuck that loser really is right now.

NBC News says the White House is in a "total panic" over impeachment. There is a lot of "anxiety, unease and concern," and a "person close to the White House" says, "There's not a lot of confidence that there's no there there." Another person says everybody is "shell-shocked" and they are worried that if this impeachment thing keeps up, Trump might ... wait for it ... "respond erratically and become 'unmanageable.'"

Yes, what a terrifying prospect, that Donald Trump, who is usually so cool, calm and collected, might become erratic and unmanageable. Imagine that.


In the Washington Post, Ashley Parker quotes Trump bud Christopher Ruddy, who bemoans the "nuts" people who think impeachment might be good for Trump, and says, "People can't underestimate the amount of bad advice he gets from people who are not strategic thinkers." STUPID IDIOTS. The article quotes Newt Gingrich, who thinks impeachment might be really good for Trump, INSERT PUNCHLINE ABOUT STUPID IDIOT HERE.

White House aides are particularly worried that Trump will be so obsessed with getting impeached, he won't even get to do his big trade deals with Canada and Mexico, because those were soooo gonna happen.

In the words of one former aide, "It may lead to less structured output from the White House."

We will miss Trump's "structured output," R.I.P. all of that.


Finally, Roll Call reported this week that the White House is makin' BIG MAD THREATS that if Democrats go through with this imepachment thing, well then, guess what Trump's gonna do, bet you can't guess, THIS IS NOT A THREAT, IT'S A PROMISE:

"House Democrats have destroyed any chances of legislative progress for the people of this country by continuing to focus all their energy on partisan political attacks. Their attacks on the President and his agenda are not only partisan and pathetic, they are in dereliction of their Constitutional duty," White House Press Secretary Stephanie Grisham said in a statement.

Oh no, Trump might stop doing "achomlishments" and it's all the Democrats' fault for "destroying" that possibility.

We are trying to imagine a world without Trump doing "achomlishments" all the time and ... well ... which "achomlishments" are we referring to, please?


OK, Stephanie Grisham, we'll take that dare. Be careful out there on the road this weekend, y'hear?

In summary and in conclusion, President Fucker is fucked, and we cannot stop laughing.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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