Who Is Keeping Those Nine Wingnuts From Seeing 'An American Carol'?
Have you heard about the great new hilarious comedy about how libtards are communists? No? Well, that's hardly a surprise, what with the Illuminati trying to keep you from seeing this great new hilarious comedy. It is about how Michael Moore (remember him? crazy times!) is so fat, and then he quits being Anti-American and helps bomb another poor country somewhere so he can "feel good about America" again. You know, comedy! Too bad there's a Global Conspiracy to keep you from seeing this patriotism!
The movie is called An American Carol. They were giving away tickets at the GOP convention in St. Paul, to some free screening, but nobody wanted to see it. After all, there was a hurricane somewhere. Also, everybody heard this movie was lame. Why? Because brain-dead military-worshiping fascist apologists just aren't that funny -- especially when their Humor Targets are harmless nobodies who ineffectively protest against a crushing power structure.
Anyway, the makers of this Hollywood entertainment are super angry that a) nobody will go see this movie and b) the few who saw it say it's an embarrassment. It opened big on 1,600+ movie screens, yet it flopped.
So, obviously, there is a conspiracy to keep the nation's toilet-humor-loving social conservatives from seeing a movie that bravely mocks Muslims and other brown and/or gay people. And, uh, the multiplex ticket clerks must be involved, right? Right?!
This is, honestly, from the promotional website for the movie An American Carol:
We have had heard from numerous people across the country that there has been some ticket fraud when buying a ticket for An American Carol this past weekend.
Please check your ticket. If you were in fact one of those people that were "mistakenly" sold a ticket for another movie please fill out the form below. Hold on to your ticket so we can have proof.
If you have noticed other irregularities with the theatres in your area please let us know in the comment section below. For instance, Rated R film rating (when in fact we are rated PG-13), posters not being up, not being listed on the marquee, image or focus problems, sound issues, etc.
Please email us a picture of your ticket stub to firstname.lastname@example.org
We are investigating.
American Carol Flops [Sean Hannity]