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NOW WE KNOW WHO THE ASSHOLE IS.

When it was first reported that Donald Trump was waddling around the White House begging to write letters to Santa so he could say he's been a very good boy this year, therefore can he pretty please have Greenland, Rachel Maddow exhorted the people who surround Donald Trump not to play such cruel pranks on the president, filling his tiny little brain with ideas like this. Everybody knows by this point that if you tell Trump some hilarious bullshit, especially hilarious bullshit that could inflate his false sense of importance, he will take to it like a puppy with a bone or a full-grown dog showing lipstick, and he will not. let. it. go. Thus, Greenland.

Hell, the news came out, and it turned out Trump was so addicted to the idea, and soooooooo very not in on the joke, that he actually had a temper tantrum and canceled his upcoming trip state visit to Denmark when he found out he would not be allowed to close escrow on Greenland.

And now we know how he got that idea. The trouble is that the person who gave him the idea is at least as stupid as he is, so it feels a little bit cruel to tell Arkansas Senator Tom Cotton not to play jokes like this on the president, since he's probably not in on the joke either.


Talk Business & Politics has the exclusive story:

"Obviously, the right decision for this country," Cotton said quickly when asked by Talk Business & Politics CEO Roby Brock about Trump's Greenland tweets. "You're joking, but I can reveal to you that several months ago, I met with the Danish ambassador and I proposed that they sell Greenland to us." [...]

"I told the president you should buy it as well," Cotton said, adding later that "He's (Trump) heard that from me and from some other people as well."

Yep yep yep, Trump's heard it from Tom Cotton, and he's heard it from some other dumb inbred yokels also too, allegedly!

We'd say DAMMIT TOM COTTON, YOU KNOW BETTER, except he doesn't. Tom Cotton is not a smart man.

This is a guy who sent cease and desist letters to somebody's Nana in 2017, because she kept calling his office, like he was the senator from Arkansas or something. This is a guy who was mercilessly mocked by Obama White House Press Secretary (remember when we had those?) Josh Earnest, calling him an "international man of mystery" for his super top secret Inspector Gadget detective work exposing the nefarious dark sides of Obama's nuclear deal with Iran. Another time, Earnest made fun of Cotton for working above his paygrade to subvert the nuke deal (because Cotton thought he, and not Obama, was in charge of setting Obama foreign policy), saying Cotton should probably go away, little boy, because he was pretty sure Cotton "couldn't differentiate heavy water from sparkling water." (Nuclear jokes, GET SOME!) Cotton responded by tweeting WOCKA WOCKA I NEVER DUN' DRINK NO GAY SPARKLE WATER WHEN I WORKED AT ARMY! (That is an approximate paraphrase of Cotton's tweet.)

Our point is that, contra Maddow's plea for White House officials and others not to prank the president with stupid ideas like "buy Greenland," Cotton is extremely stupid and not in on the joke either.

Amid Trump's day of absolute batshit yesterday, which we covered thoroughly here, the alleged president explained why he canceled his upcoming trip to Greenland. CNN reporter Daniel Dale provides the transcript and a factcheck:


TRUMP: I thought that the prime minister's statement -- that it was absurd, that it was an absurd idea -- was nasty.

NASTY WOMAN made fun of poor Mister President and called him a dumbfuck. Poor baby!

Golly he hates it when women speak to him and don't even treat him like a celebrity who's allowed to grab them by the pussy and take them furniture shopping.

TRUMP: But we can't treat the United States of America the way they treated us under President Obama. I thought it was a very not nice way of saying something. They could have told me "no."

Factcheck, nobody EVER talked to America that way when we had a real president with a real brain and human-sized hands and a non-Mario Kart dick. Everybody loved Barack Obama, except our enemies AKA Donald Trump's friends.

TRUMP: She's not talking to me. [...] She's talking to the United States of America.

Oh bless your heart, baby doll, but you were not speaking for America. "America" did not get fed a stupid idea to make an offer on Greenland and then decide to act on it. Donald Trump did that. And by the way, all world leaders are free to talk to Trump like this, as it makes us LOL. They already talk about him that way behind his back, we are pretty sure.

Of course, the GOP continues to run off with the stupid idea, because of a witches' brew combination of its own stupidity and the president's stupidity and the stupid gullibility of its followers, who will do anything -- no matter how stupid and ineffective, no matter how much it involves stepping on their own dicks, or how much we make fun of them -- to own the libs. So they're selling a t-shirt:

And morons like Fox News token conserva-lesbian Tammy Bruce are still on TV filling Trump's head with stupid ideas:

And here are the "Fox & Friends" idiots who are so mad the Vikings played jokes on them and made them think Greenland was the "green" one and Iceland was the "cold one," when it is obviously the other way around. (Not quite.)

By next week, we'll be telling Trump why it's a waste of America's time and resources to devote an entire division of Space Force to putting HAMBERDERS IN SPACE. But at least that one will definitely be a prank and not something the president seriously thinks he gets to do because confused MENSA stallion senators from Arkansas are confusing him.

Probably.

[TB & P]

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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