Who Wanna Hear A Buncha 'Moderate' Republicans WHIIIIIIIIIIINE About Joe Biden?

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Politico Playbook scoops the morning again! OK, just kidding, we are saying a sarcasm and intend zero actual praise for Playbook.

But they do have some reporting that will amuse you, if you like to hear GOP senators whiiiiiiiiining about unfaaaaaaaaaair. You see, President Joe Biden keeps just passing bills to help the American people, and he isn't even asking them if they'd like to water them down and fuck them up and then refuse to vote for them anyway.

It is a "fucking nightmare" trying to negotiate with Biden, according to a staffer to one of the "so-called G-10, the group of 10 Republican senators who insist they're itching to negotiate deals with the White House." Did you know there were 10 whole Republican senators who were ITCHING like that? They should see a dermatologist!

And who are these very reasonable senators?

The "G-10" senators are: SHELLEY MOORE CAPITO of West Virginia, BILL CASSIDY of Louisiana, SUSAN COLLINS of Maine, JERRY MORAN of Kansas, LISA MURKOWSKI of Alaska, ROB PORTMAN of Ohio, MITT ROMNEY of Utah, MIKE ROUNDS of South Dakota, THOM TILLIS of North Carolina and TODD YOUNG of Indiana.

OK, a couple of those, we buy the idea they want to get things done, at least occasionally. Not all of them, though. In fact, not a majority. In fact, not even a quarter of them. TWO. We will give them "two." SOMETIMES.

The problem, Politico 'splains, is that Biden said he was going to do a "unity," and now he's not even doing a "unity," sadface emoji. (Republicans view "unity" as "do exactly what we want or else.") Politico reassures us that "it's worth listening closely to the voices within this frustrated and marginalized group of self-proclaimed dealmakers," so here we are, LISTENING to these poor souls.

It starts with what they see as some hardwired media narratives they can't shake: that Biden is a reasonable, deal-making moderate and that Republicans talk about compromise but really just want to obstruct. It's a perception that has given the White House all the leverage.

It's almost as if the media narratives are correct for once!

"Biden is a horrible villain for us," whines the guy who said it is a "fucking nightmare." Everybody thinks Biden is nice and Republicans are evil and full of shit. (Show us the lie.) And these "deeply entrenched narratives" (that are true) are just makin' it hard!

"Everything they support is defined as either Covid relief or infrastructure, and everything they oppose is like … Jim Crow voter suppression and evil," this G-10 aide said. "And you constantly just feel like you're in this gaslighting chamber of insanity. But it's working."

WAAAAAAAAAH everybody thinks everything they do is HELPING and everything we do is HURTING, it's UNFAAAAAAAAIR!

Also, that is not what "gaslighting" means. Telling the truth about how Republicans are trying to take away voting rights based on absolute fascist lies about "voter fraud," while pointing out that the real reason they're doing it is because they're terrified of actually letting the people vote, is not "gaslighting." Also, Republicans ARE evil and full of shit and "Jim Crow voter suppression."

Politico's sources whine more:

They see a White House "constantly rubbing dirt in the face of Republicans" over the party's lack of interest in bipartisanship while "passing as many partisan bills as they possibly can through reconciliation before they lose the House in 2022."

If we lose the House.

Two episodes stand out to them.

Oh Christ.

OK, the first "episode" was when Biden invited them to the White House to talk about COVID relief. "It was intoxicating," Politico writes, about how SEXCITED these "moderate" GOP senators were to get to go to the White House. "They finally had both a normal president, one who understood the Senate better than any president since LBJ, and one who recognized the G-10 as the center of power in Congress," Politico writes, dutifully copying down word-for-word the self-importance these GOP senators ascribe to themselves. They had to be reminded to "calm down" and "play it cool," that same staffer says, about the legislative boner feelings of Mitt Romney and all these other reasonable Republican senators.

But then Chuck Schumer FUCKED IT UP by saying eat me, we're doin' it with 50 votes. In other words, he left these Republican senators standing there with their BIPARTISAN DICKS in their hands!

And then they did it again last week on infrastructure! Ugh! Biden just getting things done and shit! It's almost like when Mitch McConnell says on the first day the White House announces an infrastructure bill that there will be no Republican votes for it, the White House takes that at face value.

In summary and in conclusion, these "moderate" GOP senators, they hate Joe Biden, they hate him they hate him they hate him they hate him THEY HATE HIM they are so mad at him they hate him.

And also:

The staffer who lamented the nightmare of it all had a grudging respect for how effectively Biden had played things so far.

Well yeah. It's called gettin' shit done, y'all.

Fuck around and find out.


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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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