Who Wants To Watch Dr. Fauci Sh*t On Rand Paul And Call Him A Bad Doctor?

Wanna watch a SUREFIRE HIT VIDEO? We have you one! Rolling Stone is gonna be pretty mad it already released its new 500 bestest albums of all time list, because Dr. Anthony Fauci just dropped a new hit record on Kinda Sorta Dr. Rand Paul's face!

It is called "I Am Too Polite To Say This, But I Don't Think This Dipshit Is A Real Doctor."

Rand Paul, a doctor, was very mad that Dr. Fauci kept saying New York's response to the coronavirus was so great. "New York had the highest death rate in the world," exclaimed Paul, who says he is good at ophthalmologizing, which is too a real word, but we would never trust Rand Paul with our eyes.

(Even the one that we are blind in.)

(Especially that one, because we couldn't see the very good doctor coming at us with his instruments to bite him if he tried anything funny.)


FAUCI: You misconstrued that, Senator. And you've done that repetitively in the past.

Not just repeatedly, repetitively.

Fauci explained that New York got hit really hard and "made some mistakes," but noted that New York has test positivity of less than one percent, and they did it by following the fucking guidelines. So, you know, actual heckuva job.

And then Rand Paul, OphthaLOLogist, tried to come back:

PAUL: Orrrrrrrrr they'e developed enough community immunity that they're no longer having the pandemic because they have enough immunity in New York City ...

Fauci was like oh fuck. Here they come with the HERD MENTALITY and the COMMUNITY IMMUNITY, which is laughed at by all good doctors, considering how math works, and considering how we don't even know if exposure to coronavirus confers long-term immunity. But Trump's favorite clown doctors in the White House just love it!

The real doctor started saying Paul was full of shit, Paul interrupted the real doctor, and then the real doctor just shared his feelings:

FAUCI: I would like to be able to do this, because this happens with Senator Rand all the time.

Fuckin' pain in the ass, that dumbstupid shithead "Senator Rand" lolololol.

FAUCI: You are not listening to what the director of the CDC said. That in New York — it's about 22 percent — if you believe 22 percent is "herd immunity," I believe you're alone in that.

He was saying "alone among real doctors." Most scientists, including those at the World Health Organization, put it at around 70 percent of the population. Some hopeful researchers think it actually could be closer to 50 percent, but the jury is out on that one. Nobody thinks it is 22 percent, except idiots.

Point is, what Dr. Fauci said to Senator Rand Paul was a pretty big insult, from a highly respected doctor to a doctor who isn't even certified by the large and real American Board of Ophthalmology, but rather by some dumb board of eye doctors he appears to have created himself. And he CERTAINLY isn't certified by any boards of epidemiologists. You know, unless he made up one of those boards to certify him too.

Dr. Fauci is still our favorite, the end.

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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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