Who's A Craven, Soulless, Hypocritical GOP Senate Sh*theel? ALL OF THEM, KATIE

Well, we hope you weren't wasting prayers on maybe there being enough Republican senators out there to keep Mitch McConnell from confirming a 12-year-old anti-abortion protester to the Supreme Court. Have you met Republicans?

Lisa Murkowski is against it, and Susan Collins is supposedly against it, but St. Mittens Of Romney came out with a bullshit statement this morning, explaining that for bullshit reasons, he would be just fine with putting whatever little garbage shithole Donald Trump nominates on the floor for a vote. He didn't say he would definitely vote for that person, but let's not hold out hope for stupid things.

Mittens might think Trump deserves to be removed from office for extorting Ukraine to help him steal the 2020 election, but that doesn't mean he thinks a conservative Republican president doesn't have the right to fuck the Court for generations. This is about judges, AKA the unholy grail of the GOP's plans to destroy America for your grandchildren's grandchildren.

"My liberal friends have over many decades gotten very used to the idea of having a liberal court, but that's not written in the stars," the Utah Republican told reporters after this decision. He called it "appropriate for a nation that is … center-right to have a court which reflects center-right points of view."

What about a "Handmaid's Tale" court that reflects "blessed be the fruit" points of view? Because GFY with that "center-right" thing. (Also, America is not a "center-right" nation. Gerrymandering and voter suppression and the Electoral College make it easier for white conservatives to misinterpret America as a "center-right" nation, because they think white voters are the only ones who matter.)

Romney further 'splained that just because what the GOP did to Merrick Garland was disgusting doesn't mean two wrongs make a right. Which ... actually? This is one case where two wrongs would indeed make a right, or at least restore the balance that was there before Mitch McConnell decided almost a year before the election that Barack Obama no longer had the presidential authority to select Supreme Court justices.

"It wasn't unfair because it was consistent with history. It was consistent with precedent, it was consistent with the Constitution," Romney told reporters. "That the Merrick Garland decision was unfair, and so therefore it has to be made up by doing something which also wouldn't make a lot of sense — which is saying to President Trump you can't get your nominee, either — that just doesn't follow."

OK, that's enough Mittens for today, and we hope his car elevator gets stuck next time he's on it. And that there is a wasp in his fancy car when it is stuck in the car elevator. A wasp that wants to have stinger sex with Mitt Romney's face.

Chuck Grassley is in, even though he previously said he wouldn't be, were he to be in this exact situation. Cory Gardner is in, because even though he's going to get his ass beat by John Hickenlooper in November, he wants to be in the Fox News/GOP lobbyist circle jerk's good graces for when his Senate career is officially over. (You know, allegedly.)

So unless some other unexpected GOP senator gets struck by a sudden case of "having a conscience," HAHAHAHAHA WHAT PLANET ARE YOU FROM RIGHT NOW?

Speaking of craven shitheels, man, you shoulda seen Senate Judiciary Committee Chair Lindsey Graham creaming himself on "Hannity" last night over how he and Mitch McConnell already have the votes to confirm Trump's nominee, even though that nominee has not actually been picked yet. Trump could pick Jared Kushner's right nut to be his SCOTUS nominee, and Lindsey Graham is here for it.

"We're going to have a process that you'll be proud of," Graham promised. "The nominee will be supported by every Republican in the Judiciary Committee and we have the votes to confirm the justice on the floor of the Senate before the election. And that's what's coming."

What nominee? Oh, just all of 'em Katie.

Then Lindsey begged for money, because of how Jaime Harrison is fucking him within an inch of his political life in the race in South Carolina.

Graham also did some of his trademark queening out on "Hannity" about how they RUINED a GOOD MAN'S LIFE!111!1!11!!, which is why it's fine for him to be such a hypocritical bastard right now. Which is weird, because as we remember, we were trying to ruin Brett Kavanaugh's life, based on extremely credible allegations of sexual assault. He's not a good man.

It would have been pretty nasty of us to try to ruin a good person's life. On that we agree!

Trump is set to announce his pick Saturday. Looks like it's gonna be Serena Joy.




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Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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