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Much duckspeak, very scream shitting.


The facts are still coming in from Las Vegas (as of now, 58 dead and over 500 injured, unknown how many injuries from gunshots or trampling in the panic), but it's certainly not too soon for people across the nation to share their important, and often bizarre, thoughts on the matter. Let's round up all the scream shitting.

Kentucky Governor Matt Bevin wants you to stop being a political opportunist, unless you're taking the opportunity to Praise The Gun:

Or maybe it's possible to regulate the tools that make it possible to do a great deal of evil all at once? Oh, we are silly, laws don't work and everyone knows it, so let's repeal speed limits and laws against drunk driving too.

Friend of Wonkette Charles Johnson, of Little Green Footballs, found a completely cromulent tweet out there:

The ISIS claim is based on an actual AP story, which emphasizes that the self-proclaimed Islamic State has claimed without evidence to be connected to the murders. The AP story adds,

The extremist group has a history of exaggerated or false claims, including earlier this year, when it claimed an attack on a casino in the Philippines that turned out to have been a botched robbery carried out by a heavily indebted gambling addict.

CNN Terror analyst Paul Cruickshank has a series of tweets on why any ISIS connection seems unlikely, but why ruin a good panic? Besides, as the troll who wants this all over rightwing media explains, he's just doing exactly what Barack Obama always did:

The shooter was reportedly a fan of gambling, Las Vegas concerts, and country music, like so many other ISIS terrorists.

But maybe if he wasn't with ISIS, the shooter was actually a leftwing Rachel Maddow fan, just like the Stupidest Man on the Internet speculated and then deleted:

Please don't make too much of the fact that the man in the photo doesn't look anything like the actual shooter -- it was on the internet so it's true!

Terrorism Expert Charlie Daniels seemed incapable of taking his own advice:

It's also reassuring to know that an unidentified witness who called Fox News had the presence of mind to say that, unlike America-hating football players who would have taken a knee, we still have hero cops who ran toward the gunfire:

Now that, friends, is some REAL politicizing of an event. Talking about gun control is such an obvious reaction, but contrasting a mass shooting to unpatriotic sportsball players protesting police shootings of black people? THAT'S some brilliance.

Oh, but apparently it was actually the first thing some people thought of, like the head of the Miami Fraternal Order of Police. Lt. Javier Ortiz took to the Twitters to explain the obvious connection.

Why didn't those football players go and stop the shooting? They are so selfish! Ortiz replied to a press inquiry about what the hell he was getting at by explaining in a text message to the Miami New Times:

While NFL players express a false perception of police officers by inciting hate and division by disrespecting the U.S. flag, the reality is law enforcement risks their lives every day for America.

Or maybe some police officers are racially biased and react with violence first, while most are heroic and put public safety first? Maybe some of the biased ones have even been heroic at other times, because entire classes of human beings are more complex than "all evil" or "all saintly"?

But talk about the easy availability of machines that put holes in people? TOO SOON!

There is Round One of your Las Vegas Shitmouths scream shitting stupid shit. We're sure there'll be more.

You have our permission to skip today’s tithe to Wonkette and throw some money at Everytown for Gun Safety, Gabby Giffords’s Americans for Responsible Solutions, Moms Demand Action, and the Brady Campaign To Prevent Gun Violence. Be safe.

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.

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