Why Are We Telling James Comey To Set His Dick On Fire Today?


Hi, James Comey. We know we yell at you a lot. Like A WHOLE LOT. It is because you are the worst and you are a hack and maybe you were part of the Trump regime's coup against America, and like Rep. Maxine Waters said as she threw her hands in the air and dropped a hot mic, you have zero credibility. Fuck you, dude.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/612810/trump-campaign-was-talking-to-russian-intelligence-before-the-election-um-surprise1"></a>[/wonkbar]And today, we shall yell again, because here is why. Remember how we learned this week that the Trump campaign was definitely communicating with Russian intelligence for months before the election? Fun details we learned in that New York Times report included how US intelligence started intercepting those communications right about when they started noticing Russian hacking, and also that, specifically, the FBI's investigation, its OFFICIAL INVESTIGATION, into former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort's ties to Russia and pro-Kremlin douchebags in Ukraine started way back last spring.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/603709/why-hillary-clinton-will-not-rot-in-jail-for-aggravated-emailing-your-ultimate-emails-wonksplainer"></a>[/wonkbar]For a quick frame of reference, Comey's FBI cleared Hillary Clinton of wrongdoing in the Bowling Green Benghazi Email Massacre in July of last year. And all this time, there wasn't just a minor investigation into Trump's Russia scandal, but a BIG, multi-faceted investigation, and the FBI had found out FOR SURE that Trump's people were communicating with Russian intelligence. The FBI had also conclusively, for sure, figured out that Hillary Clinton emailed one of her aides to find out when "The Good Wife" came on, and that it was not a criminal act.

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/608320/fbi-director-james-comey-haha-you-guys-my-bad"></a>[/wonkbar]So, in October, as Donald Trump was flailing in the polls in the wake of the release of the Grab Them By The Pussy tape, Comey's FBI decided to put the nail in Hillary's coffin by shouting from the fucking mountaintops that some laptop from an investigation into Anthony Weiner's dick might possibly have a different email about "The Good Wife" on it. BURN HER FOR A WITCH. (For the record, it did not have a different email about "The Good Wife" on it, as we learned three days before the election, after Comey had inserted his slimy dick into American democracy.)


[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/608153/no-for-real-though-is-donald-trump-a-russian-intelligence-asset"></a>[/wonkbar]Comey could have stayed silent about both things, though we'd argue that the scale of Trump's Russia scandal far outweighs whether Hillary Clinton shared a casserole recipe with Huma one time in 2011. (We are very #InTheTank for Hillary in that way.) But instead, he screwed Hillary, while somebody at the FBI (probably named James Comey) whispered at the New York Times that they had found no clear links between Trump and Russia, right when investigative journalists were reallystarting to connect the dots of the story.


Jesus fuck, man, when does James Comey get to go to jail?

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/612710/dear-media-mike-flynns-resignation-does-not-mean-trumps-russia-scandal-is-over"></a>[/wonkbar]Here's another reason to tell Comey to set his dick on fire, courtesy of the Washington Post. Remember how the FBI interviewed former National Security Advisor Michael Flynn about his phone sex sessions with the Russian ambassador, and how they knew Flynn was lying about the content of those conversations before Trump was even inaugurated? Three guesses who didn't think it was a good idea to say anything:

The Post reported Tuesday that near the end of the transition from the Obama administration to the Trump administration, outgoing CIA Director John Brennan and Director of National Intelligence James R. Clapper Jr. wanted to tell the Trump team that Michael Flynn had misled incoming Vice President Pence and others on his contacts with Russian officials. Comey disagreed:

The FBI director pushed back primarily on the grounds that notifying the new administration could complicate the agency’s investigation. The bureau, Comey also insisted, shouldn’t be “the truth police,” according to an official familiar with his thinking at the time. “In other words, if there’s not a violation of law here, it’s not our job to go and tell the vice president that he’s been lied to.”

[wonkbar]<a href="http://wonkette.com/610366/have-we-gently-encouraged-jim-comey-to-go-fck-himself-lately"></a>[/wonkbar]Hey, remember that time Comey said, last month, in a hearing on Russian hacking, that it would shock and awe him and totally mess up his hair to "confirm or deny a pending investigation," and independent Maine Sen. Angus King just about shit a brick, saying "The irony of your making that statement here I CANNOT avoid"? Yeah.


Wonkette is entirely reader-supported, which means we don't have shitty ads to eat your browser. If you liked this post, drop us a couple bucks, why don't ya?

[New York TimesWashington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc