Why Do All These Demons Keep Attacking Mike Cernovich???

Mike Cernovich, the 'alt-lite' movement leader who is definitely not having a breakdown of any kind, went to Politicon this weekend for the purpose of "doing journalism," which is a thing he does now.

At said conference, as he strolled down a hallway Periscoping and trying to "do journalism," as one does, a young fella (who goes by Keanu_Weaves on Twitter) came up to him and started busting his balls about the "nootropics" he recommends his followers take. And, horrifically enough, tapped him on the shoulder while doing this.

This is but the second vicious attack on a "journalist" this year involving gentle touching. Just this past June, Supercongresswoman Maxine Waters pushed the hand of Michael Tracey (of "The Young Turks") away from her face, causing him to immediately fall down dead, only to reanimate moments later and accuse her of battery.

Given that Cernovich is very, very delicate, the light tap was the pain generating equivalent of punching a normal human person in the kidneys. But was something else at play here?

According to Cernovich, there was, and it is the fact that he was not accosted simply by some dude who kinda looks like Max Fisher from Rushmore, BUT A LITERAL DEMON WHO LOOKS LIKE MAX FISHER FROM RUSHMORE!

Whoa, if true.

"But my life is in danger, my life is in jeo... You can go look at that guy, and if you look at him, you can tell that he had a vacancy in his eyes, he had a very much a serial killer, very creepy, creepy vibe. And just being around him I felt like an evil, demonic kind of presence. And I looked him in the eye and I could tell this was not a human being. This was some kind of, I don't know, a replicant, a demon, or something. And that just goes to show how dangerous it is for everybody who is actually doing real journalism."

Yes. One of the well-known dangers of doing real journalism, as Mike Cernovich does, is running into demons who will make fun of your weird vitamin regimen or whatever. It's very serious.

It can even lead to this, I guess?

No word yet on whether or not this demon encounter has affected the potency of his "super serum," his special term for his own semen, which he claims has the power to make women become addicted to it. Would that make it a semen demon?

I must not be doing real journalism (not that I ever claimed to be), because I have yet to be accosted by any demons with opinions on my vitamin regimen (not that I have one). But it is nice of Cernovich to warn us all, I guess.


Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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