Why Do Millennials Want To Punch Hillary Clinton In The Throat? A Wonk-Thinker!

Ugh, reboots

Today, McClatchy has for us another fun story about how Millennials all haaaaaaate Hillary Clinton, and some of them might vote for Donald Trump, and a whole lot of them -- 29 percent! -- are planning to vote for Gary Johnson. (Sorry, Jill Stein, even Millennials think you suck, because of how it is true.)

Hillary Clinton has half the support among Youngs as Barack Obama did -- at the moment, she's getting 31 percent. This is a huge blow for the Democrats counting on their core constituencies; it'd be like half of America's black people taking a pass on the Democrats, and voting for that nice man Jeb Bush.

But why do Millennials hate Clinton like they're the Sex Pistols and she's Margaret Thatcher? (No, it's not because "she is Margaret Thatcher.") Obviously, Bernie Sanders calling her corrupt every day for a year did not help! (Weird, right?) But we saw it brewing before that.

We saw it brewing all the way back in the Occupy days, when the kids and hippies (and us!) went to all the cities and, you know, occupied them. We saw their signs calling Barack Obama a war criminal because DRONES! (Which is what inspired us to counter-protest across the street with our "out of work single mama for Obama" sign, and a nice black lady in a Mercedes tried to give us a dollar. Hell, maybe it was five! We don't know because for once we weren't grifting.)

The kids were becoming libertarians. You saw them at the farmers market sometimes, holding signs with Obama as the Joker, trying to gin up hate for Obamacare of all things. (Man, you kids got the American "vote against your own interest" thing down.) You saw them online, with their MRA shit. You saw them talking about drones and drones and drones and drones.

(This seems as good a place as any to note that it was during Clinton I that we realized, to our frank shock, that the military could actually be a force for good. It was good to send the National Guard to Alaska to scrub all the rocks and seals. It was good to reinstall the democratically elected Aristide. It was good to stop genocide in the Balkans. It would have been good to stop genocide in Rwanda too.)

It's as noticeable a shift as the last time the kids went weird, with their Reagan Youth grossness, but this time at least there's legal pot as a reason.

Way back in whenever this election started (2011 and a half?), we called that the kids would be voting for Gary Johnson. It's just that back then, Gary Johnson's name was "Rand Paul." Lots of people laughed at us for this! The official Wonkette line, propagated then by editor Kaili Joy Gray, was that Rand Paul was an unelectable laughingstock. The official Wonkette line, and Kaili, turned out (as always) to be correct.

But just because the kids didn't register Republican in time to vote for Rand Paul -- or Democrat in time to vote for Tim Canova, whoops -- doesn't mean they're not giving this whole libertarian thing a good long look. And by "good long look" we mean "voting blindly in a fit of pique because they are stupid."

In conclusion, we called it, we are SMRT, and the end.


Rebecca Schoenkopf

Rebecca Schoenkopf is the owner, publisher, and editrix of Wonkette. She is a nice lady, SHUT UP YUH HUH. She is very tired with this fucking nonsense all of the time, and it would be terrific if you sent money to keep this bitch afloat. She is on maternity leave until 2033.


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