Why Does Harold Ford Junior Keep Smearing Harold Ford Junior?
Early 2010 comedy meme Harold Ford Junior's testing-the-waters strategy of "fuck up at least one interview per day" found the starving Merrill Lynch anti-candidate on the Colbert Report last night, where he behaved like the most uncomfortable shitsack politician ever to appear on television during a 2/1/10 11:30 ET basic cable timeslot. Is he one of those people who likes Colbert because he thinks his conservative caricature personality is real? Does Harold Ford Junior even exist beyond the lens of a camera, or is he just one of Wolf Blitzer's holograms -- the one that escaped? These things, and more.
You might be tempted to credit this confession here as "honest," because he's admitting that many politicians just make it up as they go along. But honesty or the appearance thereof was probably not on Harold Ford Junior's mind, because he's not really self-aware, and doesn't understand that saying "Oh I just lied to get elected by those crazy people down there, but it was years ago" does not convince people that he won't lie like a crazy person again whenever he gets the chance. Like in a New York Senate race!
So, when I ran for Senate in Tennessee four years ago, I'd walk into rallies and forums and some of the anti-abortion activists would have baby dolls, and they'd smash the heads of them as I walked in and yell I'm a baby-killer. When I'd walk into forums I'd look before the audience, and say "Let's tell all these people that we're really the pro-life ones, the ones who support education and health care and veterans benefits."
Epic! When he said he was pro-life in Tenneessee, he was speaking to OTHER THINGS that weren't abortion, even while responding to questions about his abortion position. He's bragging about how he lied to people, which is also a lie, because he wasn't! THIS IS THE CARD HE'S PLAYING.
He also calls Kirsten Gillibrand a "young lady," and she is older than him, so Harold should probably lay off the hilarious attempts at subliminal sexism, because they're about as transparent as THE AIR ON PLANET EARTH.
Please run, Harold. Please, please run!