This American president, he has fleets of destroyers and an army of fearsome AT-AT walkers at his disposal and still he cannot contend with a very organized band of Africans trolling the waters off the Somalian coast. What gives, Obama? Why do you love pirates so much?


It's an important question, and one that deserves further examination! Here are a few fun facts:

  1. Piracy has completely ruined trade around the Suez Canal, because ships don't want to pay a huge assload of money to get through the canal only to have all their shit stolen by pirates on the other side.
  2. As far as we can tell, the Gulf of Aden is just a pit of misery; for proof, see point 1) and also Cutting for Stone, a novel in which a young Indian nun has such a horrible experience in Aden she flees for Ethiopia and (don't worry, not a spoiler!) later dies giving birth to twins, which is rather a slutty thing for a nun to do, but the point is Aden was just a pestilent awful den full of criminals that basically ruined her life. Read the book, it is good, and full of gory surgical scenes!
  3. Pirates went out of fashion in 2004, so why Obama -- who normally has a good nose for a trend -- would not nip this problem in the bud is anyone's guess.
  4. Once again, this proves that the one way to make the formidable US military look like a pack of assholes is to attack with some laughably crude equipment (here, a wee lifeboat) that they really cannot bomb without looking like even bigger assholes.
  5. "Arrrr" is the sound a pirate makes. "Arrgh" is the sound normal people make when they are exasperated.

Anyhow, here is a video of some dude who cannot quite believe that President Obama has not fixed the whole pirate problem yet.

Thanks to TJ Beck for suggesting this very important post topic and title and video link. TJ Beck basically wrote this whole thing, is the point.

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