Why Hasn't President Joe Biden Prevented This Non-Existent Ban On Communion In Toronto Churches?
Laura Ingraham is outraged. Absolutely outraged. Yesterday, she read an article on the very reliable and fact-based site Big League Politics reporting that Catholic churches in Toronto were not allowed to do communion anymore. That "politicians" had used COVID-19 a ruse in their never-ending war on Christianity, in order to make it impossible for people to receive communion, thereby possibly condemning them to hell for all eternity.
And Laura Ingraham knew just what politician was responsible for this — President of Canada, Joseph Sassafras Danger Yasmine Bleeth Biden.
She could barely comprehend the horror. Who but lifelong Catholic Joelicious Butterscotch Biden would allow such an egregious assault on religious liberty? And why? Why, oh why, was he doing this to poor Toronto Catholics, right here in the United States of Canad ... erica? What would be next? Would he ban other religions from doing religious things? Like say if there were a religion in which people licked each other's faces in greeting, would he ban that too? Just because there is a pandemic happening? Just so ... what? A few people don't die?
The Ontario Ministry of Health has issued COVID-19 guidelines advising to "suspend activities that increase risk of disease transmission, including" the "sharing or distributing materials or objects, which may include but is not limited to: books, communion, microphones, prayer mats, prayer shawls, water, etc."
The guidelines additionally ban "indoor singing activities and choir service" and require churches to be filled at 30 percent of capacity. The Greek Orthodox Metropolis of Toronto of the Patriarchate of Constantinople published a powerful video of Fr. Fanourios Pappas informing his congregation on July 5 that he could not administer the holy Eucharist.
Oh, the tragedy of it all!
And it would have been even more tragic if Josephus Marmalade Biden, Earl of Ontario, had actually instituted a ban. Or if the city of Toronto did, which it actually did not. There were some guidelines, but not a ban.
The archdiocese of Toronto, however, did announce that Holy Communion will, for a while, be received only in the hand, because things are safer that way for everyone.
"Upon the strong recommendation of medical authorities, Holy Communion is received only in the hand at this time. (Since each communicant has the right to receive communion either on the tongue or in the hand, the traditional practice of the option of receiving on the tongue will be restored as soon as the public health situation allows for that)."
Huh. That seems like a super normal and reasonable decision meant to keep parishioners from contracting a deadly virus, rather than an all-out war on religion and also trappings of religion that have literally nothing to do with anyone who doesn't practice that religion. It's almost as if the archdiocese cares whether parishioners live or die.
This is probably still very infuriating to Laura Ingraham, for reasons that are unclear to heathens like us, and she is likely still very concerned that when the Emperor of Canada (Joe Biden) becomes President, he will immediately legally require everyone to be an atheist, except for him, what with the whole being Catholic thing he's got going on.
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Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. In addition to her work at Wonkette, she also has a biweekly column at Dame. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse