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Why He Runs: Rick Santorum's Own 'Fetus Jar' Story

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Never thought about it, but where do you think they kept the fetus' body in this? Is it in the doll?It's been some time since Rick Santorum has been relevant to politics (NOTE: he still isn't), so it's easy to forget the stupid things he's said about his main issues, protecting the fetuses and attacking the gays. Here's something we forgot about: Santorum has his very own fetus story, but unlike Barbara Bush, when his wife miscarried in 1996, they didn't stick the thing in a jar and put it on display. Santorum wrapped the dead fetus in a blanket, took it out of the hospital, and "spent several hours kissing and cuddling Gabriel [the fetus] with his three siblings." Sure, a miscarriage is a sad and rather strange experience for anyone to suffer, but, uh: "They took photos, sang lullabies in his ear and held a private Mass." That should be a cute family album to show primary voters! What kind of clothes did they dress it up in? Did they make the fetus the altar boy?


EVERY SINGLE PARAGRAPH of the first half or so of this old Washington Post story is just golden.

"That's my little guy," Santorum says, pointing to the photo of Gabriel, in which his tiny physique is framed by his father's hand. The senator often speaks of his late son in the present tense. It is a rare instance in which he talks softly.

Sounds like somebody's already picked a running mate! He really does seem to love that dead fetus more than anyone in his family.

Not a "fetus," either, as Rick and Karen were appalled to see him described -- "a 20-week-old fetus" -- on a hospital form. They changed the form to read "20-week-old baby."

How dare the hospital use medical terms for their medicine?

Santorum's wife wrote and published a book of letters to the fetus. You know, some light reading for when the dead fetus is at the beach or whatever.

"When the partial-birth abortion vote comes to the floor of the U.S. Senate for the third time," Karen writes to Gabriel, "your daddy needs to proclaim God's message for life with even more strength and devotion to the cause."

Must have been able to read at a pretty high level for a dead fetus.

He often speaks of the "coincidences" that occurred during Karen's pregnancy with Gabriel. "It struck me that if God is into sending messages, then I was getting some," Santorum says.

"I like this fetus more than your other spawn, so I'm going to show it mercy by killing it before it has to be raised by you," God said.

Finally, here's the Rick we know and love:

Former Democratic senator Bob Kerrey once wondered whether Santorum is "Latin for [anus]."

[WP via Gawker]

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And now for some very serious TUT TUTTING! It's time again for Republicans to make sad words about President Treason McTraitorpants selling out the country. This time they are seriously concerned, nay even deeply troubled, that Donald Trump would stand next to Vladimir Putin and pretend the Russians didn't hack the 2016 election. These patriotic Republicans are shocked, SHOCKED! Well, not, like, upset enough to do anything about it -- not with a fascist carpooler to jam into the Supreme Court. But they've got tweets, so it's all good!

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Republicans are in a pickle. Midterms are coming up and the party in the White House usually loses seats in those elections. It doesn't help their chances that their guy Donald Trump frolics through fields holding hands with self-made Russian dictator and coincidental poisoner Vladimir Putin, who our own justice department believes attacked our mostly free elections and our true national monument, the Internet.

If you're as old as I am, you'll recall that back in the 1980s, the whole Republican brand involved not trusting the Ruskies, and they were especially disappointed when Kevin Costner turned out to be one in No Way Out. Now, the current Republican president is talking like some kind of crazy commie lib, bashing the FBI and giving the benefit of the doubt to a former KGB agent. During an interview Sunday where he wore a hat with "USA" in big letters on it, presumably so someone could easily return him if he got lost on the field trip, Trump went so far as to call the European Union a "foe" of his country, which if you believe his hat is supposedly the United States not Russia.

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