Why Is Lin Wood Talking 9/11 Conspiracies In US While There's A Clown Shortage In Northern Ireland?

Conspiracy theories

In an appearance at a "rally" to support Georgia Gubernatorial hopeful Kandiss Taylor (who came in with a stunning 0.8 of the vote in the last election) on Friday, Trumpist lawyer Lin Wood started going on and on about how 9/11 wasn't real and it was all CGI except for how all the people really died because they were killed by a missile that the Bush administration sent into building 7, in order to cover-up $3.5 trillion that was stolen from the defense budget, "because that's where they had all the paperwork."

Or something. Honestly, it's not very clear.

I assume he's talking about the 2.3 trillion that Rumsfeld announced was "missing" from the defense budget the day before 9/11. Meaning that the money was gone but we don't know what the military spent it on because the military is pretty loosey goosey with accounting. I hate to give credit to the Bush administration for anything, but it would be super weird if they murdered thousands of people in order to "cover up" a thing that Rumsfeld had literally just said the day before.

But I digress, I don't expect this man to make sense and neither should you.

What I would like to point out, however, is that the BBC reported this week that Northern Ireland is facing a clown shortage. Like, there aren't enough clowns because they all went home to their home countries during COVID.

The Covid-19 pandemic has caused a shortage of the performers, as many returned to their home countries when the first lockdown came into force in early 2020, according to Mr Duffy.

But what makes a good clown?

"Someone who's willing to make themselves vulnerable," says Noeleen Fries Neumann, known professionally as Silly Tilly.

"Not everybody likes to be laughed at but for someone who is a clown, your worst nightmare would be to not be laughed at," Mrs Fries Neumann told the BBC's Good Morning Ulster programme.

Well, I think we know at least one person who doesn't mind being laughed at. Several, actually. In fact, I think we have enough clowns in this country to keep Northern Ireland in balloon animals for the next decade. I would be happy to propose an exchange program in which America trades all of our clowns, both literal and figurative, for handsome men with Irish accents.

As an aside — I think we need to investigate which "home countries" these clowns are coming from, just because if there is like, one primary Clown Home Country, some of us might want to avoid vacationing there.

AND NOW THIS IS YOUR OPEN THREAD.

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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