Why Is This Man Whining?
via Rep. Thomas Massie Twitter

POP QUIZ time, kids. Ready?

What's wrong with this picture?


Pencils down, please.

If you answered, "Congressman Dumbass is wearing a cloth mask over his N95 mask, so clearly he's a lot more worried about catching the new, more contagious variant of coronavirus than getting dinged by mean Speaker Pelosi," then please award yourself this Friday's NO PRIZE.

"At some point, the old ears just can't handle more masks. #sassywithmassie," tweeted Rep. Thomas "My 'Just Wearing This So I Don't Get Fined' Mask Has People Asking A Lot of Questions Already Answered By My 'Just Wearing This So I Don't Get Fined' Mask" Massie.

Republicans were already wiggy about the House mask mandate before the Capitol riots. So when House Speaker Nancy Pelosi installed metal detectors that members had to pass through on their way to the House floor after the Capitol riots, naturally Republicans flipped their shit. As Yr Wonkette noted at the time:

"It's my constitutional right. They can't stop me!" shouted Oklahoma Rep. Markwayne Mullin as he shoved past the Capitol cops. Jim Jordan repeated the complaint on the House floor, without specifying exactly which clause of the Constitution exempts him from basic security procedures.

"We now live in Pelosi's communist America!" Debbie Lesko whined on Twitter, although the platform's character limit prevented her explaining just how metal detectors will lead to a radical redistribution of wealth and the destruction of American capitalism.

Nor did Florida Rep. Greg Steube clarify in what manner this was all Joe Biden's fault when he howled on the House floor, "Take note, America. This is what you have to look forward to in the Joe Biden administration."

Teenagers have to surrender their clear plastic backpacks for inspection and walk through metal detectors to get into school, but not being allowed to pack heat in the Capitol is tyranny. Obviously!

Republicans were shoving past the Capitol police, only stopping to hurl abuse at them, so Democrats passed a bill directing the Sergeant-at-Arms to "impose a fine against a Member, Delegate, or the Resident Commissioner for failure to complete security screening for entrance to the House Chamber." Now blowing off security measures will result in members being charged $5,000 for a first offense and $10,000 for any subsequent offense. And the money will be garnished directly from their paychecks, so they can't pay it from their campaign accounts.

Texas Rep. Chip Roy is making noises about suing to vindicate his God-given right to pack a sidearm at work. "This is an unconstitutional deprivation of my right to defend myself. Period. Full stop," he howled to the Washington Free Beacon. "I do not care what Speaker Pelosi says about it. I do not care what anybody says about it. That is what the Second Amendment means. That is why it is there." By this logic, the First Amendment guarantees Reps. Tlaib and Omar the right to unroll prayer rugs on the House floor as well — although we rather doubt Rep. Roy's constitutional absolutism extends that far.

Most of his Republican colleagues simmered down and started going through the magnetometers without throwing a hissy fit, once they had actual skin in the game, though.

But not Thomas Massie! He may be an MIT-trained scientist sporting hospital-grade PPE to protect his health, but he's not gonna miss an opportunity to stick it to The Man (aka Speaker Pelosi) by LARPing as a carefree, COVID-truthing asshole.

Republicans, man ... I don't know.

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Liz Dye

Liz Dye lives in Baltimore with her wonderful husband and a houseful of teenagers. When she isn't being mad about a thing on the internet, she's hiding in plain sight in the carpool line. She's the one wearing yoga pants glaring at her phone.


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