Mark Shields goes on teevee, describes his favorite sweaty homoerotic fantasy in vivid detail. [Think Progress]

Matt Yglesias is very relieved that CAP is forbidden by federal law to replace him with a genetically superior blogger. [Matt Yglesias]

Who will protect America's morbidly obese children from mutant, oven-sized cupcakes? [Weekly Standard]

A CNN intern galloped through the busy markets of Beijing in search of ObaMaoist souvenirs, only to discover that such paraphernalia has been outlawed for all eternity! And according to Mr. Gateway Pundit this is very bad/good/communist/socialist/gay? Sometimes it's just hard to tell. [Gateway Pundit]

CEI will deposit $500 in Al Gore's PayPal account if he finger-bangs Lord Monckton. $510.50 if CEI can watch. [The Corner]