Are you subscribed to the hottest new food blog, aside from the resurrection of Wonkette's mommyblog recipe hub? It is called "Wikileaks," and it's just the best. In the mood to put food on your family, but REALLY wish you could get the recipe from Hillary Clinton's campaign team, lovingly curated by Julian Assange and his precious team of America-hatin' Russian hackers? HAVEN'T WE ALL BEEN THERE BEFORE?

Listen up, chefs and wanna-be chefs. One of the OMGTERRIBLE emails released by WikiLeaks shows Clinton campaign chair John Podesta helping this guy Peter Huffman, whom Epicurious describes as "a Merrill Lynch financial adviser who's done work for the Clinton Foundation" (CORRUPTIONS!!!!111!), figure out how to make some damn risotto, and how to make it damn good. Huffman is like "but I don't WANNA pour the stock in gradually, I am too busy doing pay-to-play Benghazi with the Clinton Foundation," and Podesta is like "You have to do it that way, dumbhead! While you are slowly adding stock to achieve the perfect risotto, I will help Hillary do Whitewater to Vince Foster again."


See for yourself:

OK, so Podesta is apparently a really good cook. Politico quotes him saying that, on top of risotto, he "make[s] a pretty mean moussaka, pastitsio, baklava and spanakopita," all of which are YUM. We need these recipes.

And we bet Hillary has some cooking tips too! We already know about the Clinton family "Roasted Rack of Lamb with a Pumpkin Thyme Crust" and also Hillary's recipe for oatmeal cookies, which she DOES TOO FUCKING MAKE, even though she's not just hanging out in the kitchen making cookies all the time, as she splained us in 1992.

We ALSO TOO bet Hillz's lady adviser Huma Abedin makes some delectable delights, and even more than that, we're pretty sure Donna Brazile and the other folks at the DNC probably have some pretty great recipes they've sent the Clinton campaign, while they were taking breaks from STEALING THE ELECTION FOR HILLARY, or whatever the scandal du jour is, we don't know.

Now look, we get it: If Killary The Devil wasn't the flawed Democratic nominee, there wouldn't be NOBODY from Merrill Lynch emailing Podesta asking for risotto cooking tips, because all of Merrill Lynch would be IN JAIL, where they ain't got no risotto. But she IS the nominee, so we might as well find out if Hillz's macaroni 'n' cheese is as good as ours. (SPOILER: Wonket's mac 'n' cheese is so damn good you'll literally die of cheese-gasms.)

The point is that WikiLeaks is obviously a very valuable organization, and it should definitely continue its vital work in exposing the Clinton campaign's culinary secrets to the world. Maybe Hillz has a Pinterest board or something! Assange should look into that.

Don't bother looking into Trump's recipes, though, because A) Daddy Putin doesn't want you messing with Trump's business and B) No one is interested in learning how Trump makes his secret late night snack concoction of Vienna Sausages, orange dandruff and loneliness. Literally no one. Ew. Gross.


Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

Donate with CC

In this increasingly polarized society we live in, it's hard to find any kind of consensus on anything -- but one would think that there would still be a few things here and there that we could all agree upon. One also might assume that one of those things would be "drinking bleach is a bad idea."

But if one were to do that, they would be wrong. Because the Genesis II Church is holding a seminar today in Washington State in order to promote the use of a substance they call "Miracle Mineral Solution," which they consider a miracle cure for every disease on earth, and which the FDA and anyone who can read ingredients would consider "industrial bleach."

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

This past November, far right dingbat Laura Loomer was finally kicked off of Twitter after tweeting a bunch of crazy ass hateful shit about Minnesota Congresswoman Ilhan Omar. To put it mildly, she was not happy about it. In fact, she kind of lost her fucking mind (what was left of it anyway) and ended up handcuffing herself to Twitter headquarters in order to protest the ban. She's been yelling about it ever since -- though since she's not on Twitter, few have even noticed.

Filled with desperation and with nowhere else left to turn, she is bringing her case to court and suing Twitter in hopes that a judge and jury will force the social media company to give her back her account so that she can continue to use it to scream horrible things about Muslim people all day long. This is what she is currently doing on Instagram, where she just recently went on a charming rant all about how much she hates Reps. Rashida Tlaib and Ilhan Omar (yes, again), stating that Islam is a "cancer" and that "Muslims should not be allowed to seek positions of political office in this country. It should be illegal."

With statements like that, it is hard to believe that Twitter, or anyone, for that matter, would not be thrilled to have a normal human person like Laura Loomer on their site.

Keep reading... Show less
Donate with CC

How often would you like to donate?

Select an amount (USD)


©2018 by Commie Girl Industries, Inc