God among men.

Tim Tebow is known for two things, mainly. He loves Jesus so hard, in the manliest way possible, and he refuses to put his dick inside the endzones of either ladies or gentlemen. Like, he is so great at virginity he probably doesn't even get boners, because they're forbidden. Oh, we guess he's known for a Third Thing too: He used to play football, in a manner of speaking.

But maybe he will do something different in the future! Is he going to fuck a woman or one of his bro pals from virginity club? NO, YOU ASSHOLE, FUCKING IS FOR SINNERS. But he told one of the idiot Fox News ladies that maybe he could keep his pants zipped up in political office maybe:



AINSLEY EARHARDT THE FOX LADY: Have you thought about politics?

TIM TEBOW THE DORK VIRGIN: It's been crazy, hasn't it? It's been a whirlwind watching everything. You know, I don't know in this time in my life ... but if there's a chance you can make a difference some day in something, then that would be intriguing.

How inspiring! If he can make a difference in SOMETHING maybe he would be intrigued by that, and if that involves US America in the politics, then OK. Maybe he could run on a platform of don't have abortions, so you don't accidentally abort the next Tim Tebow, because wouldn't that be so terrible if that happened?

Maybe he could make a difference by teaching how awesome abstinence is! Hey, did you hear about how his last relationship, WITH A MODEL, ended allegedly because he refused to take her to Red Lobster (IN HIS PANTS)? Nobody would ever do sex again after they heard that story.

This brings us to a new question: What office should Tebow run for? Could he be a congressman who represents people who hate getting mouth hugs on their penis? Maybe he could be a senator from the great state of Blue Balls! Or ... seriously, is America ready for a virgin president to have his finger on the red button (but not the kind of red button what's in a lady's pussy, because that's a Devil button)? MAYBE!

Anyway, we'd be total dicks if we didn't point out that this "Fox & Friends" interview happened on a golf course where the Tim Tebow Foundation was having a nice charity golfing to-do that in some way benefits The Kids. We'd Google it for more information, but we don't feel like it, and we want to go back to writing dick jokes ASAP.

[Fox Sports]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.


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