Wingnut Bryan Fischer: You Gay Nazis Stop Doing Kristallnacht To These Florists RIGHT NOW!
Mein Kleines Pony: Freundschaft Macht Frei
We haven't heard much lately from the American Patriarchy Association's radio hate troll Bryan Fischer, but he's still out there, warning of the imminent end of America even though a good decent America-loving groper-man is president now. What's Fischer worried about now? The usual crap about how The Gays are Hitler, and have just about finished their plans to round up all the Christians to be sent away to Gay Concentration Camps where they'll either be gassed or forced to listen to show tunes or maybe both. As proof, Fischer points to last week's unanimous Washington Supreme Court decision that florist Baronelle Stutzman had indeed violated the state's anti-discrimination law by refusing service to a customer who wanted floral arrangements for a gay homosexual wedding between two homosexual people of the same gender, even though Stutzman's Bible has a special "No Flowers for AlGayNon" clause.
Not surprisingly, Fischer reacted with the kind of calm and restraint we've come to expect from him, condemning the "gay Gestapo" for its extermination of family values:
This is the gay Gestapo. These are the jack-booted homosexual fascists of the LGBT movement; they are imposing tyranny and they are imposing slavery. They are bringing these things back to America, all in the name of "tolerance" and "compassion."
Point of order, if we may: If you don't know the difference between "slavery" and "a public business having to treat all customers equally," you may be too stupid to really do well in business anyway. Let's also leave aside the indisputable fact that Baronelle Stutzman had a really stupid defense, which was that flower-arranging is not a business but actually an art form, and so she was therefore exempt from Washington's anti-discrimination law because First Amendment. The state Supremes didn't buy it:
“As Stutzman acknowledged at deposition, providing flowers for a wedding between Muslims would not necessarily constitute an endorsement of Islam, nor would providing flowers for an atheist couple endorse atheism,” the opinion said.
Also, we feel obliged to point out that, of all the horrors the real Gestapo committed, we know of no cases in which they forced people to arrange flowers against their will. But let us continue with Mr. Fischer's Hyperbole-O-Rama:
Remember what Kristallnacht was -- that was 1938, where the Nazis went though the Jewish parts of Berlin and they broke windows, they set businesses on fire, they shut 'em down, they drove Jewish people out of their homes and set their houses on fire. Now I’m not saying that’s what the homosexual fascists are doing today; you know, they’re using judges’ gavels instead of lead pipes. That’s what they’re doing. But it’s the same deal. This is Kristallnacht. They’re trying to put this woman out of business, they’re trying to shut her down, they’re trying to evict her from her home, that’s where they tried to go with this thing. How is that any different? Just the weapons are different.
Also this current version of the Floral Solution is seriously lacking in the burning down of any synagogues, Ms. Stutzman wasn't beaten to a pulp, and she's also perfectly free to go into a line of work where she doesn't sell goods or services to the public. Like if she wants to be a preacher, which seems to be her goal with treating flowers like some kind of sacrament, she could do that. Oh, and the gay Gestapo completely failed to burn down her business or even break its windows. Other than that, the analogy is spot on.
Except maybe for how the penalty in the case -- a $1,000 fine, plus one dollar in court costs -- isn't going to actually leave Stutzman homeless, particularly given the generosity of the Indiana pizza bigots who shared some of their GoFundMe bigot wealth with her. That would be on top of the $150,000 Stutzman's own GoFundie raised. So she's still pretty darned oppressed, and it's just like Kristallnacht, if during Kristallnacht the Nazis had broken windows and then handed Jews checks for 150 times the cost of the windows.
We aren't sure whether Mr. Fischer has said anything about this week's actual threats against Jewish community centers and vandalism of a Jewish cemetery, although we bet he'll find a way to say they pale in comparison to the oppression of Christians by gay weddings.
Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.