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Townhall columnist Matt LaChance has a dream -- a beautiful dream, that one day, he will live to see conservatives win the culture wars. This is the very realistic expectation, I suppose, that women will get back to the kitchen, all the LGBT people will get back into the closet, everyone will be a Christian, and, uh, everyone will drink a lot of Ovaltine? Maybe? I don't know.


However, he realizes that if they are ever to have a chance to win the culture war, they must (gulp) start making culture-type things. To that end, he has a proposal: a right-wing "Saturday Night Live"! Where they make fun of liberals!

LaChance, who is clearly a very big fan of comedy, explains that "‘Saturday Night Live’ used to be a comedy show. Now it’s a political operation intended to help Democrats win elections and to assist the left in the culture war."

Ah yes. Surely, we all fondly remember the old apolitical Saturday Night Live. You know, the one that definitely did not contribute at all to Gerald Ford not being elected President.

And that never addressed social issues.

You know, the good old days.

Tapping into his own boundless capacity for creativity, LaChance's vision for his show is an exact copy of "Saturday Night Live":

First, don’t try to hide what you’re doing. Bill the show as the red state alternative to Saturday Night Live and broadcast it on the same night at the same time. Be a direct competitor and follow SNL’s format with a regular cast, a celebrity host and a musical guest in front of a live studio audience.

Second, set it in America’s heartland. Omaha, Nebraska would be ideal. And give it a similar name and branding to SNL. Something along the lines of “Live from Omaha! It’s Another Saturday Night!” would work. If lawyers say that’s too close to SNL, get creative but make sure viewers know exactly what the show is intended to be.

OOH!

Except the awkward thing here is that Douglas County, where Omaha is located, actually voted for Hillary Clinton. So he'd have to pick a different city. The largest cities that voted for Trump were Mesa, Virginia Beach, Jacksonville, Fort Worth and Oklahoma City. Maybe he could pick one of those?

But I must say -- when I see a mind working so imaginatively, it makes me wonder if we, the liberal elite, made a mistake in banning conservatives from pursuing the arts. How we forced them to mock people who go to school for theater or writing or music. How we stole away all the Moleskine notebooks inside which they wrote their poetic odes to Ronald Reagan and the invisible (and, perhaps, erotic?) hand of the free market. How we wouldn't let them practice the piano. How we wouldn't let them attend open mic comedy nights, or start their own comedy nights. How we banned them from taking classes at Second City and IO, and burned down every comedy and improv workshop they ever started.

Do you know that if you search for "Conservative sketch comedy" on Google, pretty much all you get is a list of articles on why conservatives are not funny?

Whose fault do you think that is, huh? Obviously, it is ours! We're doing some kind of Illuminati thing! That's the real reason the Koch Brothers Improv Troupe never really got off the ground.

LaChance notes that, due to its liberal bias, SNL misses out on the chance to make fun of CNN's Chris Cuomo and Brian Stelter:

[T]ake advantage of all the comedic opportunities SNL passes over on a weekly basis for purely partisan reasons. Hammer Democratic leaders like Nancy Pelosi and Chuck Schumer. Parody CNN and MSNBC in the same way that SNL delights in making fun of FOX News. Chris Cuomo and Brian Stelter are walking comedy skits just waiting to happen. Have you ever wondered why they’re not an object of ridicule on SNL? There are countless other possibilities SNL regularly neglects which would send conservative Americans into fits of laughter.

Oh man, just think of all the incredibly hilarious Brian Stelter impressions we've been missing out on this whole time!

The best part of, by far, is LaChance's list of ideas for sketches:

Very Deep Thoughts from Joe Biden

Tonight on CNN: Chris Cuomo Says the Darndest Things

A sketch featuring Sarah Palin playing Tina Fey upset about Hillary losing.

The Social Justice Warriors: A group of college undergrads who are trying to advance radical social change but can’t get anywhere because they’re constantly at war with each other over pronouns.

Lifestyles of the Rich and Democrat

Mental health tips from Kathy Griffin and Jim Carrey

Bernie Sanders hosts a radio show where he can’t explain the historical failures of socialism to a single caller.

There should also be sketches which make fun of liberal comedy heroes like Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, Samantha Bee and Trevor Noah. Maybe this could take the place of SNL’s “Weekend Update.” Make these hypocrites the butt of the joke for once and see how they like it.

Oh man, are those ever some very funny sketch ideas. And so timely! So relevant! And if there is one thing we all know about comedians, it is that they get really mad when they are the butt of a very good joke, and definitely never make jokes about themselves or each other. Also, if there is anything we know about liberals, it is that they never make fun of themselves:

LaChance has ideas on who could host the show -- hot celebs like James Woods, Ann Coulter, Greg Gutfeld, Sarah Palin, and Adam Baldwin. He even knows who the musical guests would be -- Kanye West, Trace Adkins, Sammy Hagar, Charlie Daniels and Kid Rock. (Probably on a rotating basis.) He does not, however, appear to have any idea about how he would go about finding the cast or writers for the show.

That, of course, doesn't matter, because ...

Imagine the horror of media and Hollywood elitists the first time “Live from Omaha!” outpaces “Live from New York!” in the ratings.

It's true, we are all very personally invested in SNL's ratings. Honestly, I wouldn't be too surprised if "Live From Omaha, Or Another City That Actually Did Vote For Trump!" won in the ratings. There are ostensibly a lot more conservatives sitting home on a Saturday night, watching actual live TV instead of streaming, so that would probably make sense.

LaChance then reiterates that the purpose of this show would not be to be funny, but to own the libs, "devastate our narrative," and beat us at our own game:

Do you want to win the culture war, or at the very least balance it out? Meet the left on their turf and beat them at their own game. It would devastate their narrative and remind millions of Americans that not everyone agrees with the Democrat Media Complex. If we’re serious about culture, we have to get in the game.

Comedy, like any art, is of course something anyone can do, and certainly not something that requires years of hard work, dedication and sacrifice, so this should be very easy to accomplish. Probably he can just grab a few people in MAGA hats off the street, throw them in a writers room and let the magic happen!

I'm not kidding. I actually wish Mr. LaChance the absolute best of luck with this. I hope he pulls it off. I have a feeling it would be absolutely hilarious, though perhaps not for the reasons he is hoping.

[TownHall]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse

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