Wingnut Superlawyer Larry Klayman Sues All The Black People, For Being Scary And Mean
Have you been in an accident? On the job or in your car? Was that accident caused by black people mentioning that racism still exists? Well then, you may just want to hop on Larry Klayman's class action lawsuit against black people who mention that racism still exists, and maybe a judge will give you a million dollars for all your pain and suffering.
America's worst lawyer has filed a lawsuit against President Barack Obama, Louis Farrakhan, Eric Holder, Al Sharpton and Black Lives Matter for supposedly starting a race war, causing the murder of five Dallas cops, and endangering the life of Larry Klayman.
The gist of the suit, Klayman explained on World Nut Daily, is that allllllllllllllllllllllll of the black people in the country are lying about racism existing for no apparent reason, when Larry Klayman is absolutely sure it does not. And by mentioning this, and being mad about it, and saying it is a problem, they are making the world an unsafe place for Larry Klayman to live in. Mentioning that racism exists, he says, encourages "anti-white" hatred. Which is weird, because it actually seems a lot more like it really just encourages hatred towards the sort of people we should all hate anyway.
He says he has been looking for a reason to do this for quite some time now. (And boy howdy, he really has been, what with Obama turning White House employees into his "white slaves" and forcing white people to be racist!):
For a long time, as a law enforcement officer myself – I am a former federal prosecutor for the U.S. Department of Justice when it still had an ounce of integrity, and the founder of both Judicial Watch and Freedom Watch, as well as a former candidate for the U.S. Senate in Florida – I have been contemplating when and how to bring legal actions against white, Jewish and Christian haters like Obama, Farrakhan, Sharpton and Black Lives Matter. For the past seven years, Obama and company have been whipping up reverse racism against non-blacks and non-Muslims as payback for years of discrimination.
Is it that, Larry? Or is it just the ever encroaching fear that if you give a people you have oppressed equal power that they will turn around and start treating you the way you treated them?
Also, for what it is worth, literally the only mainstream news articles I can find about Obama and Louis Farrakhan (whom Klayman says is his "soul brother), are about Obama rejecting Farrakhan's endorsement and Farrakhan saying that Obama should open Area 51. There is literally nothing in there about the two of them starting an Earth, Wind and Fire cover band with Assata Shakur, or whatever it is Klayman thinks they do on the weekends.
Klayman then explains -- naturally -- that all these people are bad, unlike Martin Luther King, who was good.
These vigilantes are not cut from the same virtuous cloth as a well-intentioned and genuine reverend, Martin Luther King, who used peaceful non-violence to further freedom for African-Americans and others. For Obama and the others to equate themselves with King is a blasphemy. Obama may think and act as if he is a “king,” but he is no Martin Luther King. In his going on eight years in power, he and his racist comrades have not only set back the significant gains Martin Luther King worked for and went a long way to obtain in uniting the races; to the contrary they have stoked and ignited what now is looking like an all out “race war.”
Yes, probably if Martin Luther King were alive today he would totally hate all the black people, including his friend Al Sharpton, and he would hang around with Larry Klayman and Sarah Palin instead! He would also pat them on the head and agree with them that the only way for us to unite as a country is for black people to just pretend racism doesn't exist, so that they don't hurt anyone's feelings or anything! Or make people not like cops! Because when cops know people don't like them, it makes them nervous, and then they have to just start SHOOTING. And, Klayman asks, who can blame them?
It is no wonder some cops, fearing for their lives in this anti-white, anti-Semitic and anti-Christian environment, sometimes are prone to literally pull the trigger too quickly. With the hateful mood created by Obama and company, they understandably think that armed blacks who refuse to recognize their law enforcement powers may be out to off them.
Ah yes, that explains it! It's not that police brutality against black people has been going on for centuries but only started getting media attention once black people got smartphones, it's that black people lied about police brutality existing... FOR REASONS, and then the cops got super scared and had to start shooting children who were carrying toy guns and people going to get their ID at traffic stops! Makes all the sense now. By accusing cops of police brutality and killing unarmed black people, they actually forced them to do police brutality and start killing black people, which they totally were not even doing before.
It's all coming together now! And that is why, Larry Klayman, who is just like Martin Luther King, has to sue all the black people.
That is why We the People must now act on our own, as we did in 1776 against another despot king. But like the real king, Martin Luther King, I have advocated peaceful means to effect change. To this end, I am filing in the next day a lawsuit, with myself as the initial plaintiff, against Obama, Black Lives Matter, Farrakhan and Sharpton for endangering not just my life, as a white law enforcement person of Jewish origin, but also for all Americans, white, black, yellow or brown, no matter what their race or religion. Someone has to take the first step, and I have concluded it has to be me. It is hoped that other law enforcement persons, including the cops in the Dallas Police Department, will later join me as plaintiffs. The case will be filed in the U.S. District Court for the Northern District of Texas, which is where Dallas is located.
If you, too, have been wronged by all the black people, you can email Larry at firstname.lastname@example.org to get in on this sure-to-be-successfull lawsuit! You should definitely not, however, use that email for nefarious purposes, such as signing Larry Klayman up for the Wonkette Newsletter or your great aunt's chain emails. Because that is rude.
Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Previously, she was a Senior Staff Writer at Death & Taxes, and Assistant Editor at The Frisky (RIP). Currently, she writes for Wonkette, Friendly Atheist, Quartz and other sites. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse