Tucker Carlson Leads Mass Swoon Over Teen Dream/Homicidal Maniac Kyle Rittenhouse

Tucker Carlson Leads Mass Swoon Over Teen Dream/Homicidal Maniac Kyle Rittenhouse

Kyle Rittenhouse

It's time to start a new school year, and we know whose face is going to be plastered all over Ann Coulter and Tucker Carlson's respective lockers and whose name drawn in hearts all over their notebooks. It's 17-year-old Kyle Rittenhouse, recently charged with homicide. You know, the dipshit wannabe cop who shot three people, killing two, at the protests in Kenosha this week?

Ann Coulter wants him as her president. Though to be fair, a 17-year-old homicidal maniac would pretty much be a lateral move from Donald Trump.

The New York Post even tried to make him look like a real good guy by running an article about how he was previously cleaning up graffiti. What a dear!

And here is a different New York Post tweet. VERY different!

You know what that nice graffiti-cleaning young man had? Two illegal guns! Oh well. Forget it, Jake. It's the New York Post.

Former baseball player Aubrey Huff called Rittenhouse a national treasure, though he subsequently deleted that tweet. For reasons.


Myriad Nancy Drews on Twitter have tried to come up with a self-defense scenario for Rittenhouse, insisting he will be found innocent on all charges. Some have even found evidence that one of his victims, Joseph Rosenbaum, is a convicted sex offender, sentenced in Arizona in 2002 for sexual contact with a minor. This appears to be true, though how it was that Rittenhouse was supposed to have known that and used that information to determine that it was a good idea to shoot him, we cannot say.

Of course, Rittenhouse has racked up a few crimes himself.

And then, of course, there was Tucker Carlson, who devoted a whole monologue last night to going full "But who among us?" about Rittenhouse.

"How shocked are we that 17-year-olds with rifles decided they had to maintain order when no one else would?" he asked.

The gist of this little speech was that Rittenhouse was not to blame for shooting three people and killing two — the system was to blame. Which I believe is usually the kind of thing conservatives like to make fun of the Left for saying. In Tucker's view, Rittenhouse was practically forced to drive across state lines with two firearms in order to defend the police from the evil protesters, because the elected officials in Wisconsin weren't doing enough to stop it.

Tucker's big line here was "Are you surprised?" He wants to know what people expect will happen when the police and the government don't maintain "order." He asks if we're surprised that this led to murder — failing to note that the only person doing any murder was a rightwing idiot.

I'm not surprised, though not for that reason. There are lots and lots of Kyle Rittenhouses around. He's not particularly original, at least not these days. Not when Donald Trump is president and Tucker Carlson is on television every night. Kyle Rittenhouse is exactly what we all said was going to happen if Donald Trump got elected.

Here is extended footage of Rittenhouse being chased by people trying to detain him after he'd already shot someone in the head. He falls, murders a man and maims another, and then fires wildly down the street at anyone who might be in it. You can feel free to skip the viewing! Or you can see for yourself what people think is "self-defense."

There's a great irony in Tucker's little speech. He points out that people won't tolerate chaos, they won't tolerate lawlessness. Well, what the hell else do you want to call police officers shooting unarmed Black people all of the time? I'd say that's lawlessness. Police officers shooting a man in the back? That's lawlessness.

What do you call Donald Trump's presidency? I'd say that's chaos. I mean, really. Did anyone think they were going to elect a racist reality show asshole who appears to be following the Dr. Evil playlist and it was going to go well? Really? Did they think people were just going to settle into this? Lie back and think of England?

Kyle Rittenhouse, by the way, was lawless. He obtained two guns, lawlessly: It is illegal for persons under the age of 18 to possess a handgun in his home state of Illinois (which he also had in addition to his "AR-like" long gun) and also illegal for anyone to give them one, while it is also illegal in Wisconsin for anyone under 18 to possess a long gun. He took them over state lines, lawlessly. He then shot three people, lawlessly, killing two of them, including one person who was trying to to protect people. That's lawlessness.

Personally, I would rather see a dumpster set on fire or see some graffiti than get murdered by a 17-year-old dropout who just like, really loves cops and Donald Trump, but I'm crazy like that.

[Tucker Carlson]

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Robyn Pennacchia

Robyn Pennacchia is a brilliant, fabulously talented and visually stunning angel of a human being, who shrugged off what she is pretty sure would have been a Tony Award-winning career in musical theater in order to write about stuff on the internet. Follow her on Twitter at @RobynElyse


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