In a blow to freedom and weirdass trendiness, theSnuggle House, an innovative business in Madison, Wisconsin, where for $60 an hour you could get all therapeutically cuddled with a "professional snuggler," has closed. The innocent cuddle-hos of the twee "touch therapy" business were driven out of business by city officials who thought that all this paid pajama-panky was too close to prostitution. Plus silly as all fuck.

Now, we don't doubt that there is much to be said for the health benefits of intimacy and touch and all that crap, and as liberal types, we have no objection to it being legal for people to blow their money on whatever quackery comes down the pike. We think that prostitutes deserve health insurance, too. Our objection to this alleged trend of snuggle salons is primarily that it's just one more goddamned thing that new-age fadsters will talk about, endlessly, and that, good sir or madame, is not something up with which we intend to put, because next there'll be lines of professionally endorsed snugglewear, cuddling reality shows, and angry denunciations of the Culture of Cuddling from the likes of Bryan Fischer, and that's all just more than we want to face.

In fact, all this nonsense has us feeling a little tense. Thankfully, we've found a terrific stress reliever, a traditional remedy known as Scotch. We're always happy to curl up with that.

[Fox News / Esquire]

Doktor Zoom

Doktor Zoom's real name is Marty Kelley, and he lives in the wilds of Boise, Idaho. He is not a medical doctor, but does have a real PhD in Rhetoric. You should definitely donate some money to this little mommyblog where he has finally found acceptance and cat pictures. He is on maternity leave until 2033. Here is his Twitter, also. His quest to avoid prolixity is not going so great.


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