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Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker Preps For 2016 White House Run By Proving Government Can't Do Anything Right

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Man, anti-union free market capitalism ain’t what it used to be. A few years ago, rightwing hero and prolific union-h8r Scott Walker soared into the governorship of Wisconsin with the slogan, “Wisconsin Is Open for Business.” Within a few months, he was wiping corporate jizz off his chin after ramming through right-to-work legislation and sticking it to the unions. After surviving a recall election, justhow is business doing in Wisconsin?


Since he [Walker] took office, his state has fallen from 11th to 44th in job creation.

What’s the deal, businesses? Didn’t you see the big sign saying Wisconsin was open for business? Why are you all “wham-bam-dick-over-the-unions-thank-you-ma’am” to Scott Walker?

But just because Scott Walker will fail miserably at his promise to bring hundreds of thousands of jerbs to Wisconsin doesn’t mean he is a total failure. Surely there is some good news, right?   With unions all busted, the free market is jumping in, and the invisible hand is enticing workers with high wages, stellar benefits, and all kinds of goodness, right?

Wisconsin’s wages are also declining at twice the national level.

This data is so very shocking and surprising. Without unions to fight for middle-class wages, wages are going down?!? Next you will say some other nonsense like manmade greenhouse gases will change global climate patterns or putting a fork in an outlet will cause an ouchie. Nonsense!

Gov. Walker is also exhorting forcing his brave citizens to throw off the yoke of Badgercare, using the Affordable Care Act to actually reduce the number of people on getting state-subsidized health care. Because he can.

The governor is also rejecting Medicaid expansion and using the Affordable Care Act exchanges to kick 87,000 Wisconsinites off his state’s Badgercare program.

Wisconsin had a fairly generous health care plan, which, according to National Memo, committed the unpardonable crime of actually working well: “A new UW Madison study shows that Badgercare -- which was expanded in 2009 -- reduces hospitalization and improves management of chronic disease.” Thankfully, following Walker's bold cost-cutting moves, we can now expect an uptick in hospitalizations and more chronic disease, the way the Free Market wants it. Suck it, poors -- your suffering and early death is the price of freedom. Oh, and Walker's BadgerCare cuts will also cost Wisconsin employers some $36 million dollars, but that's probably good for freedom, too.

How should the Republican Party reward someone who failed to create jobs, pushed down wages, and made his state less healthy -- both physically and economically? You already know the answer:

While the beltway presidential buzz has focused on Sens. Rand Paul (R-Ky.), Marco Rubio (R-Fla.) and Ted Cruz (R-Texas), Walker’s admirers say his record as a conservative warrior, folksy Midwestern demeanor and big fundraising connections could make him a contender.

OF COURSE he should lead this great nation of ours! What with leaving Wisconsin an economically-depleted wasteland of chronically sick underemployed poors, what could possibly go wrong with taking the reins in the White House?

Thanks for sticking to your guns, Republicans. You are clearly so committed to the idea that government can’t do anything right that you are willing to put the most miserable of state-level failures as your standard-bearer on the national stage. That kind of consistency should be admirable in politics today, except for all the people who will suffer because of your policies.

[National Memo / National Memo/The Hill]

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There is a very normal article circulating on the internet right now by a fella named Don Boys (that's not the joke, the jokes are coming), who is both an insane batshit preacher, and also an insane batshit former member of the Indiana House of Representatives. (Also sometimes he blogs at the Daily Caller about how Mike Pence really went balls deep into the gay agenda when he swore in that insane batshit gay guy Rick Grenell as America's ambassador to Germany.)

This article, of course, is about Pete Buttigieg, because what are anti-gay buffoons obsessed with right now? Pete Buttigieg. Boys (still his name) is primarily concerned not with the simple fact that Buttigieg is gay, but with how gay Buttigieg really is. IN THE SEX WAY!

Well, Don, since you asked!

Shall we dive into this thing without the proper prophylactics? We shall.

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