Wisconsin Militia Will Save Election From Criminal Democrats (And Not Just The Black Ones)

Republicans in Wisconsin, and those few Democrats who are not criminals, should be feeling extra safe about Election Day this November. That's because some anti-labor irregulars left over from the Wisconsin Union Wars are vowing to protect democracy from the many tax dodgers and fugitives who might be tempted to vote against Republican governor and urine enthusiast Scott Walker.

The members of the definitely-not-imaginary Wisconsin Poll Watcher Militia claim they've used public records to come up with a "nice list" of "wanted democrat activist types" who signed Walker's 2012 recall petition and are also criminals and tax cheats. We're sure such a list would be 100 percent accurate and in no way vulnerable to sloppy mistakes! There is no equivalent list of potentially criminal Republicans, of course, but who would need such a thing? GOP voters in Scott Walker's Wisconsin value faith and family and would never be in trouble with the law.

These self-appointed defenders of democracy (but just for Walker, obviously) promise to use their roster of liberal-only lawbreakers to deploy enforcers to polling places in "some of Milwaukee, Racine, and Beloit's worst areas," ready to take out the trash. Someone has to ensure the integrity of Wisconsin's elections, since the notoriously left-wing state Supreme Court won't even let Gov. Walker charge these bums for the ID cards they now need to vote.

The Capital Times, a commie rag out of the godless liberal enclave of Madison, relays a report from Jason Easley on PoliticusUSA about the grassroots effort by Walker's Warriors to lurk around Black Panther style on Election Day, waiting for Democrats who are supposedly wanted criminals to come in and vote.

"We prefer our people to be armed," they say, but rest assured, they would valiantly restrain themselves from shooting these dangerous unlicensed drivers and tax delinquents on the spot. Instead, they would breathlessly report the scofflaws to the local police, who would no doubt be thrilled to find themselves peppered with such calls.

An unnamed spokesdude for the militia, which we are certain exists outside of his dented Camry, doesn't see the big deal. It's not like they're only going after black Democrats. They'll be targeting anyone who looks like they might vote the wrong way.

We can assure you that we will be targeting all democrats, not just black ones. If you think we mean blacks only it is because you are a racist who thinks the only people with warrants are black. We know better because we have a nice list of people who are wanted democrat activist types. Most are actually white. We will target everyone.

Wisconsin, you should be grateful that those scary Democrat activist types are on somebody's radar. If you think for one moment that the anti-Walker side is anything but a teeming mass of murderers and thieves, we remind you of the terrifying story of criminal mastermind Tod Pulvermacher. Pulling a manure spreader in a protest parade with a suspended license? That is the type of lawlessness that Wisconsin simply cannot tolerate.

The "militia" -- or maybe just that one dude in Racine who once punked Occupy Madison -- is still looking for patriots to help hunt down these menaces to society, so if you're in Wisconsin, love freedom, and have a gun, be sure to check out their helpful web page (as pumped by Rush Limbaugh!) to find a list of lawless Dems near you.

If, on the other hand, you're sick of Gov. Walker's war on unions and voting and teachers and women, and all his thug supporters who think it should be illegal in Wisconsin to be a Democrat, here's a better idea. Use your money-words to say No To All Things Scott Walker.

Please CLICK HERE to give a few bucks to Democrat Mary Burke to help her kick Gov. Walker out of office. This is a tight race, people of Wisconsin and friends of people in Wisconsin, and those donuts for volunteers trying to get out the vote -- despite the militia trying to keep the vote hiding inside under the bed -- won't buy themselves. Let's use our wonkbucks for good and send Scott Walker packing!

[Capital Times / PoliticusUSA / Image via Museum of Play]

You can follow Beth on Twitter for the latest dairyland militia news.


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