Wolf Blitzer's Favorite Prince Songs, Ranked

For real?

We all need something to smile about after today's sucky terrible horrible no good very bad news that Prince has gone to join David Bowie in the beglittered, gender-bending celestial choir where the bathrooms are open to everyone and Marco Rubio can wear whatever high heels he likes.

[wonkbar]<a href="wonkette.com/600947/prince-will-never-die"></a>[/wonkbar]So let's make fun of Wolf Blitzer! Because did you hear how Wolf Blitzer was talking about Prince's legacy and was like WHOO BOY that "Purple Haze" song was quite a tune, with the emotions and the bumping beat! And everybody on the internet was like "LOL numbnutz" and then went back to crying because everything is terrible.

In an effort to redeem himself, Wolf did absolutely nothing because he sucks so hard, but Wonkette has made up a list of Wolf's other favorite Prince songs. See? Wolf is cool, he promises, and he for real knows who Prince is, HONEST, STOP LAUGHING.

  1. Purple Haze
  2. Little Deuce Coupe
  3. Everything I Do (I Do It 4 U)
  4. The one that starts like "And a-one and a-two" ... No?
  5. Butterfly Kisses
  6. 2 Be With U
  7. Hangin' Tough, or was that the Backstreet Kids?
  8. Deep Purple
  9. Raspberry Fields 4 Ever
  10. I'm 2 Sexy
  11. I Wanna Sex U Up
  12. Darling Mickey (U're So Fine U Blow My Mind)
  13. The Purple People Eater
  14. The naughty one about sex.
  15. Diamonds R A Girl's Best Friend
  16. 2 Tickets 2 Paradise
  17. Let's Dance
  18. I Would Do Anything 4 U
  19. Diamond Dogs
  20. Thriller
  21. Nothing Compares 2 The Way She Moves
  22. "Hey Wendy?" "Yes Lisa?" "How do you call your loverboy?" "I say COME HERE LOVERBOY!" ... that one.
  23. Gett Off

Don't you feel better now? Wonkette thanks dumb Wolf Blitzer for his service.

We'd make you a playlist of all the best Prince songs, but GRRRR Prince didn't like having his songs on the internet. Check out Minnesota public radio, though, as they seem to be broadcasting Prince songs until they damn well feel like stopping.

[Huffington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the managing editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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