Wolf Blitzer's Favorite Prince Songs, Ranked

Culture

April 21, 2016 04:44 PM

For real?

We all need something to smile about after today's sucky terrible horrible no good very bad news that Prince has gone to join David Bowie in the beglittered, gender-bending celestial choir where the bathrooms are open to everyone and Marco Rubio can wear whatever high heels he likes.

[wonkbar]<a href="wonkette.com/600947/prince-will-never-die"></a>[/wonkbar]So let's make fun of Wolf Blitzer! Because did you hear how Wolf Blitzer was talking about Prince's legacy and was like WHOO BOY that "Purple Haze" song was quite a tune, with the emotions and the bumping beat! And everybody on the internet was like "LOL numbnutz" and then went back to crying because everything is terrible.

In an effort to redeem himself, Wolf did absolutely nothing because he sucks so hard, but Wonkette has made up a list of Wolf's other favorite Prince songs. See? Wolf is cool, he promises, and he for real knows who Prince is, HONEST, STOP LAUGHING.

Purple Haze

Little Deuce Coupe

Everything I Do (I Do It 4 U)

The one that starts like "And a-one and a-two" ... No?

Butterfly Kisses

2 Be With U

Hangin' Tough, or was that the Backstreet Kids?

Deep Purple

Raspberry Fields 4 Ever

I'm 2 Sexy

I Wanna Sex U Up

Darling Mickey (U're So Fine U Blow My Mind)

The Purple People Eater

The naughty one about sex.

Diamonds R A Girl's Best Friend

2 Tickets 2 Paradise

Let's Dance

I Would Do Anything 4 U

Diamond Dogs

Thriller

Nothing Compares 2 The Way She Moves

"Hey Wendy?" "Yes Lisa?" "How do you call your loverboy?" "I say COME HERE LOVERBOY!" ... that one.

Gett Off

Don't you feel better now? Wonkette thanks dumb Wolf Blitzer for his service.

We'd make you a playlist of all the best Prince songs, but GRRRR Prince didn't like having his songs on the internet. Check out Minnesota public radio, though, as they seem to be broadcasting Prince songs until they damn well feel like stopping.

[Huffington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

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Most of the men who tried that shit only did so a few times before realizing that it wasn't going to work, and thus moved on to other things. Perhaps things that did not involve furry hats and coming off as a huge creep. We may never know, because I would assume that those who tried it are now extremely embarrassed and would never, ever admit to this to us.

Still, there were a few men willing to eat that shit up, as well as some grifters willing to take advantage of that. Said grifters tended to be extremely misogynistic and seemed more like they were teaching men how to be as despised by women as they were than teaching them how to actually be liked by women.

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'Baby Geniuses' star Jon Voight took to Twitter early this morning to proclaim his undying love for Donald Trump, probably because there is no one left in his life who will listen to him talk about this, or anything else, in person. In this video rant, Voight encouraged members of the Republican Party, whom he apparently thinks are the only real citizens of the United States, to stand by Donald Trump and "acknowledge the truth" that he is the best President since Abraham Lincoln.

Part ONE:

People of the Republican Party, I know you will agree with me when I say our president has our utmost respect and our love. This job is not easy. For he's battling the left and their absurd words of destruction. I've said this once and I'll say this again. That our nation has been built on the solid ground from our forefathers, and there is a moral code of duty that has been passed on from President Lincoln. I'm here today to acknowledge the truth, and I'm here today to tell you my fellow Americans that our country…

Oh no, not our absurd words of destruction!

Part DEUX:

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[Jon Voight Twitter]