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We all need something to smile about after today's sucky terrible horrible no good very bad news that Prince has gone to join David Bowie in the beglittered, gender-bending celestial choir where the bathrooms are open to everyone and Marco Rubio can wear whatever high heels he likes.

[wonkbar]<a href="wonkette.com/600947/prince-will-never-die"></a>[/wonkbar]So let's make fun of Wolf Blitzer! Because did you hear how Wolf Blitzer was talking about Prince's legacy and was like WHOO BOY that "Purple Haze" song was quite a tune, with the emotions and the bumping beat! And everybody on the internet was like "LOL numbnutz" and then went back to crying because everything is terrible.

In an effort to redeem himself, Wolf did absolutely nothing because he sucks so hard, but Wonkette has made up a list of Wolf's other favorite Prince songs. See? Wolf is cool, he promises, and he for real knows who Prince is, HONEST, STOP LAUGHING.

  1. Purple Haze
  2. Little Deuce Coupe
  3. Everything I Do (I Do It 4 U)
  4. The one that starts like "And a-one and a-two" ... No?
  5. Butterfly Kisses
  6. 2 Be With U
  7. Hangin' Tough, or was that the Backstreet Kids?
  8. Deep Purple
  9. Raspberry Fields 4 Ever
  10. I'm 2 Sexy
  11. I Wanna Sex U Up
  12. Darling Mickey (U're So Fine U Blow My Mind)
  13. The Purple People Eater
  14. The naughty one about sex.
  15. Diamonds R A Girl's Best Friend
  16. 2 Tickets 2 Paradise
  17. Let's Dance
  18. I Would Do Anything 4 U
  19. Diamond Dogs
  20. Thriller
  21. Nothing Compares 2 The Way She Moves
  22. "Hey Wendy?" "Yes Lisa?" "How do you call your loverboy?" "I say COME HERE LOVERBOY!" ... that one.
  23. Gett Off

Don't you feel better now? Wonkette thanks dumb Wolf Blitzer for his service.

We'd make you a playlist of all the best Prince songs, but GRRRR Prince didn't like having his songs on the internet. Check out Minnesota public radio, though, as they seem to be broadcasting Prince songs until they damn well feel like stopping.

[Huffington Post]

Evan Hurst

Evan Hurst is the senior editor of Wonkette, which means he is the boss of you, unless you are Rebecca, who is boss of him. His dog Lula is judging you right now.

Follow him on Twitter RIGHT HERE.

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Just this past week, US News ranked Alabama 49th in the nation for education, with the lowest overall reading and math scores. They probably would have ranked 50th, but there was no data for their high school graduation rates.

The five states ranked best in the country for education were Massachusetts, New Jersey, New Hampshire, Vermont, and Connecticut, in that order.

Also, this week, the Alabama House passed a bill that would make it a punishable crime for doctors to refuse to treat babies "born alive" after abortion.

HB 491 reads:

If a child is born alive following an abortion or attempted abortion, the physician who performed the abortion or attempted the abortion shall exercise the same degree of professional skill, care, and diligence to preserve the life and health of the child as a reasonably diligent and conscientious physician would render to any other child born alive at the same gestational age. Failure to do so is a Class 23 B felony and is punishable by not less than 20 years in state prison and a fine of not less than one hundred thousand dollars ($100,000).

More than 90 percent of abortions occur before 13 weeks. Only 1.3 percent of abortions occur after 21 weeks. The current law in Alabama -- not the horrorshow that just passed -- prohibits abortion after 23 weeks. Premature births at 22 weeks have a 0-3 percent survival rate, and premature "births" at 21 weeks have a survival rate of 0 percent.

There are not babies being "born alive" after abortions and then left to die because no one wants them. That's not a damn thing, and even when pressed, Alabama Republicans could not come up with a single example of this having happened. They just feel in their hearts that it does.

What can happen, rarely, is a medical situation where doctors must induce labor because the mother's life is at risk. In these cases, the children are wanted, but do not always survive because -- as mentioned just one paragraph ago -- the survival rates on premature babies are not great. That being said, federal law states that as soon as someone is born, they're a person, and therefore entitled to all rights thereof. One of those rights is that no one can kill you, legally. Doctors have an obligation to save lives, but when there is a situation—regardless of how old the person is!!!—where the patient has no chance of survival, the next of kin is given the option to continue or not continue with life-saving efforts. That is how things work.

It's almost as if there is some kind of connection between passing a law this stupid and having the worst reading comprehension skills in the nation.

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Well, lordy Jesus, that was 10 minutes of our life we're never going to get back.

A few minutes ago, all the reporters on Twitter started saying, "Um, we are getting called to the Rose Garden and we don't know why." Democrats were supposed to be meeting with Trump about Infrastructure Week, but instead, this was happening:

Hooray! There was a sign in the Rose Garden! It said how big the Mueller Investigation was! And most importantly the Mueller Investigation said NO COLLUSION, NO OBSTRUCTION, PREZNIT TRUMP GOOD, NOT A RUSSIAN.

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