HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA


Morning, Wonkers! Here's some of the stories that might splatter the pixels of yr Wonkette today!

  • UH-OH! Paul Manafort might have taken some secret monies for that time he helped Pooty-poot's best Ukrainian bud, Viktor Yanukocych. Manafort's decided to just DENY, DENY, DENY everything.
  • Trump weighed in on the Tweet machine to remind us he is A Idiot and literally doesn't understand the First Amendment.
  • Creepy "NOT RUSSIAN" hackers doxxed more DNC members by releasing documents that contain personal email addresses and cellphone numbers of nearly 200 people.
  • Wisconsin called in the National Guard after riots erupted in Milwaukee this weekend in response to a police shooting. Good thing the sheriff who spoke at TrumpCon knows a thing or two about law and order.
  • Katrina Pierson doesn't know how U.S. became embroiled in two wars because Obama is a secret brainwashing Muzzie terrorist!
  • Jesus freaks are suing to pray out the gay in Illinois because it will prove once and for all that Jesus is a strong, powerful, hippy who don't need no science!
  • Ex-Bush Commerce secretary thinks Trump's tax plan is a sick joke because he's a secret Messican who LURVS the goddless Cuban commies.
  • U.S. Olympian Ryan Lochte got robbed at gunpoint in Rio, but don't worry, the Olympics are TOTALLY safe (aside from all the poo water, and political corruption).
  • Kentucky's response to Rand Paul is a nice openly gay man with huge balls running for the Senate. KENTUCKY!
  • Here's some educational Nice Times about how the Fox News media cycle works because knowing is just a specific fraction of the battle!

Dominic Gwinn

Dominic is a broke journalist in Chicago. You can find him in a dirty bar talking to weirdos, or in a gutter taking photos.

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