Morning Wonkaroos! We hope you're well-rested, because we got shit to talk about! Here's some of the stories yr Wonkette may be pixelating sometime today!
Donald Trump gave another rambling and incoherent speech on Saturday where he just insulted people for about an hour by sputtering sentence fragments.
Some man-haters are telling reporter people that Donald Trump wanted his Apprentices to be bangable ladies with HUGE boobs.
Hillary Clinton SAYS she doesn't like greedy bankers, and she's going to prove it too, with LAWS!
Colombians (the country, not the coffee) seem to prefer never-ending war to the idea of peace because SOME people are just grumpy, stubborn assholes.
Some rich, white lady from the rich, white part of Maryland wants all the rich, white people in gerrymandered-as-fuck 6th Congressional district to vote for her, so she's trekking way out to the Bumblefuck areas.
Missouri statehouse candidates are ALLEGEDLY getting a little rapey this election season. Sigh.
Trump's creepy hatchet man with a Richard Nixon tattoo, Roger Stone, is warning about more anti-Clinton Wikileaks bullshit to come out later this week.
There's a reason why your bookFace feed is clogged up with tons of annoying and uninteresting political crap that isn't funny, it's called "micro-targeting," which is just a fancy way to say, "fucking commercials."
Did you know that Donald Trump once mixed a pyramid scheme with a weight loss scam that asked that you mail them your piss?
Cleveland's bouncing sportsball king person endorsed Hillary Clinton because she'll save all the poor children in Cleveland with her magic powers of "not being a dick."
Alabama Chief Justice Roy Moore has been suspended WITHOUT pay for the remainder of his term for being a gay-hatin' jerk!
Somebody spray painted words on Donald Trump's new hotel in D.C. because that's probably the only way to send Donald Trump a message outside of Twitter.
Where in the world is our President B. Barry Bamz? That 'ol globe trottin' so and so!
Even the goddamn Pope wants you to vote next month on Tuesday, November 8!
In Case You Missed It: Here's SNL's cold open with Alec Baldwin as 'gina-spewing Donald Trump!
And here's your morning Nice Time! It's disgustingly cute baby ducks!
About his speech, I loved this part:
'Trump demeaned and mocked Sanders himself, saying that he has “a much bigger movement than Bernie Sanders ever had”'
I guess everything IS YUUUUGER with trumpette - even his BM's.
Cool!